Williams 12.2

This entry includes a automobile recall notice that has been edited to give action and actors to verbs.

We may have manufactured a defect in your vehicle that involves the possible failure of the frame support plate. This plate connects a portion of the front suspension to the vehicle frame, and if this plate fails, which could easily happen if you brake too hard, you may lose directional control. In addition, your hood's secondary catch system may require adjustment because it may be misaligned. If you leave the primary latch disengaged, the hood may fly up and, if this happens while you are driving, you may not be able to see the road. Either of these, plate failure or hood fly-up, may cause you to crash your vehicle without prior warning.

The company probably wouldn't send out this version because the two things that could cause crashes, braking hard and leaving the primary latch disengaged, occur often and the reader would be highly aware of the danger they face driving the car. Braking hard especially is a problem because it is something that drivers do often. But it is closer to the truth. The car manufacturers did create a defect in the plate and align the hood latch incorrectly. They are responsible and have put the driver at risk. The clarity would also alert the driver to the urgency of the situation and they might be more likely to take the car in to get fixed. Ethically, the car company needs to give the customer every opportunity to avoid crashes possible and using the opaque language they did makes the document harder to reader and the driver less likely to understand it and avoid an accident. The revision is better writing in terms of writing principles and also in present the truth clearly.