Williams 8.2

(I felt like Tom Brokaw was speaking in my head as I wrote these. In fact, I suggest reading these like a new anchor.)

1. Many school systems are returning to traditional education in the basics, basics that students do not now know.

Many school systems are returning to traditional education in the basics, a change that many liberals see as a sign of the end of the world.

Many school systems are returning to traditional education in the basics, maintaining a status quo that hasn't ever worked for anyone.

2. Within the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent quality control requirements, requirements that are squeezing already tight budgets.

Within the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent quality control requirements, a challenge that GM is not yet ready to meet.

Within the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent quality control requirements, assuring that all cars on the road will be safer.

3. The causes of aging are a puzzle that has perplexed humanity for millennia, a puzzle that will soon be solved by Chuck Norris.

The causes of aging are a puzzle that has perplexed humanity for millennia, a mystery that rivals any game of clue you've ever played.

The causes of aging are a puzzle that has perplexed humanity for millennia, engaging the greatest minds in what seems to be a losing battle.

4. The majority of young people cannot even begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, an insecurity that cripples our already-senile friends.

The majority of young people cannot even begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, a failure that has divided these two generations in more ways than one.

The majority of young people cannot even begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, resulting in the stupid hairstyles and fashion choices of the rising generation.

5. The successful accomplishment of test-tube embryo fertilization has raised many ethical issues that continue to trouble both scientists and laypeople, issues that will need to be addressed before mutants and zombies start taking over the Caribbean.

The successful accomplishment of test-tube embryo fertilization has raised many ethical issues that continue to trouble both scientists and laypeople, an event that will continue to "test" us forever.

The successful accomplishment of test-tube embryo fertilization has raised many ethical issues that continue to trouble both scientists and laypeople, resulting in many people kicking themselves out of churches they once loved and abandoning beliefs they once cherished.

6. Many who lived during the Victorian Era were appalled when Darwin suggested that their ancestry might have included creatures related to apes, a suggestion that later evolved into The Origin of Species.

Many who lived during the Victorian Era were appalled when Darwin suggested that their ancestry might have included creatures related to apes, a reaction that secular humanists find puritanical and dimwitted.

Many who lived during the Victorian Era were appalled when Darwin suggested that their ancestry might have included creatures related to apes, intimating that God did not create man whole and complete as the bible suggested.

7. During the Renaissance, political affluence and stability allowed differing streams of thought to merge and flow together, thoughts that would ultimately define the messed up western world we live in now.

During the Renaissance, political affluence and stability allowed differing streams of thought to merge and flow together, a circumstance that would allow the greatest minds of western history to shine.

During the Renaissance, political affluence and stability allowed differing streams of thought to merge and flow together, allowing the free exchange of philosophical ideas.

8. Journalism has increasingly focused on news stories and events that at one time in were considered to be only salacious and sexual gossip, a focus that brings in the big bucks while leaving the public like a deer in the headlights.

Journalism has increasingly focused on news stories and events that at one time in were considered to be only salacious and sexual gossip, a change that many welcome because of the increasing number of photos of topless women in the local newspaper.

Journalism has increasingly focused on news stories and events that at one time in were considered to be only salacious and sexual gossip, stripping journalism of whatever semblance of objectivity and reliability it ever had.