Monday, June 6, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Williams 12.2
This entry includes a automobile recall notice that has been edited to give action and actors to verbs.
We may have manufactured a defect in your vehicle that involves the possible failure of the frame support plate. This plate connects a portion of the front suspension to the vehicle frame, and if this plate fails, which could easily happen if you brake too hard, you may lose directional control. In addition, your hood's secondary catch system may require adjustment because it may be misaligned. If you leave the primary latch disengaged, the hood may fly up and, if this happens while you are driving, you may not be able to see the road. Either of these, plate failure or hood fly-up, may cause you to crash your vehicle without prior warning.
The company probably wouldn't send out this version because the two things that could cause crashes, braking hard and leaving the primary latch disengaged, occur often and the reader would be highly aware of the danger they face driving the car. Braking hard especially is a problem because it is something that drivers do often. But it is closer to the truth. The car manufacturers did create a defect in the plate and align the hood latch incorrectly. They are responsible and have put the driver at risk. The clarity would also alert the driver to the urgency of the situation and they might be more likely to take the car in to get fixed. Ethically, the car company needs to give the customer every opportunity to avoid crashes possible and using the opaque language they did makes the document harder to reader and the driver less likely to understand it and avoid an accident. The revision is better writing in terms of writing principles and also in present the truth clearly.
We may have manufactured a defect in your vehicle that involves the possible failure of the frame support plate. This plate connects a portion of the front suspension to the vehicle frame, and if this plate fails, which could easily happen if you brake too hard, you may lose directional control. In addition, your hood's secondary catch system may require adjustment because it may be misaligned. If you leave the primary latch disengaged, the hood may fly up and, if this happens while you are driving, you may not be able to see the road. Either of these, plate failure or hood fly-up, may cause you to crash your vehicle without prior warning.
The company probably wouldn't send out this version because the two things that could cause crashes, braking hard and leaving the primary latch disengaged, occur often and the reader would be highly aware of the danger they face driving the car. Braking hard especially is a problem because it is something that drivers do often. But it is closer to the truth. The car manufacturers did create a defect in the plate and align the hood latch incorrectly. They are responsible and have put the driver at risk. The clarity would also alert the driver to the urgency of the situation and they might be more likely to take the car in to get fixed. Ethically, the car company needs to give the customer every opportunity to avoid crashes possible and using the opaque language they did makes the document harder to reader and the driver less likely to understand it and avoid an accident. The revision is better writing in terms of writing principles and also in present the truth clearly.
Williams 12.1
This entry contains a gas rate notice, originally written in opaque language, with you and then we as the subject/agent.
The Illinois Commerce commission has authorized a restructuring of our rates. As a result your service charge will increase effective with service rendered on or after November 12, 1990. You have not had a rate increase from us, Peoples Gas, in six years. You cost us a lot of money, and the Public Utilites Act says we have to charge what it costs us to produce the gas, so we have to charge you closer to what it costs us to provide the service.
The Illinois Commerce commission has authorized a restructuring of our rates, and so we will increase your service charge effective with service rendered on or after November 12, 1990. We have not increased your service charges in six years. We have changed the rates, but we are complying with the Public Utilities Act, which says we have to charge what it costs us to produce the gas. We are changing the rates for every class of customer closer to the cost actually incurred to provide the service.
The first sends the message that in some ways it is the customer's fault that the rates are changing because it costs the gas company money to produce the gas. If it weren't for the customer consuming and demanding the gas, the gas company could just collect the rates without providing the service. But this isn't good writing because the only agency that the customer really has in this situation is passively receiving the services offered by the gas company. They can't be made actors, so this revision is not truthful and puts a burden on the customer that doesn't exist.
The second revision is much closer to the transparent, clear language that would normally be called good writing because it is easy to understand and use the information it contains. Also, it portrays clearly who is making the decisions and who is to blame for the rates changing. So, if the purpose of the document is to inform the customer of the rate change, the reasons behind it and as clearly as possible, this is good writing. But the purpose of the document is much more complicated than that; it needs to inform the customer of the rate change while dissuading the customer from asking any questions about the rate change or giving the impression that the rate changes happen willy-nilly or that they may happen again soon. The document needs to break the news with losing the customers trust and faith in the companies reliability. So the clear language isn't good writing in that sense. If the gas company gives too much information too easily, the customer my think that the decision to raise rates was made with the same brevity.
The Illinois Commerce commission has authorized a restructuring of our rates. As a result your service charge will increase effective with service rendered on or after November 12, 1990. You have not had a rate increase from us, Peoples Gas, in six years. You cost us a lot of money, and the Public Utilites Act says we have to charge what it costs us to produce the gas, so we have to charge you closer to what it costs us to provide the service.
The Illinois Commerce commission has authorized a restructuring of our rates, and so we will increase your service charge effective with service rendered on or after November 12, 1990. We have not increased your service charges in six years. We have changed the rates, but we are complying with the Public Utilities Act, which says we have to charge what it costs us to produce the gas. We are changing the rates for every class of customer closer to the cost actually incurred to provide the service.
The first sends the message that in some ways it is the customer's fault that the rates are changing because it costs the gas company money to produce the gas. If it weren't for the customer consuming and demanding the gas, the gas company could just collect the rates without providing the service. But this isn't good writing because the only agency that the customer really has in this situation is passively receiving the services offered by the gas company. They can't be made actors, so this revision is not truthful and puts a burden on the customer that doesn't exist.
The second revision is much closer to the transparent, clear language that would normally be called good writing because it is easy to understand and use the information it contains. Also, it portrays clearly who is making the decisions and who is to blame for the rates changing. So, if the purpose of the document is to inform the customer of the rate change, the reasons behind it and as clearly as possible, this is good writing. But the purpose of the document is much more complicated than that; it needs to inform the customer of the rate change while dissuading the customer from asking any questions about the rate change or giving the impression that the rate changes happen willy-nilly or that they may happen again soon. The document needs to break the news with losing the customers trust and faith in the companies reliability. So the clear language isn't good writing in that sense. If the gas company gives too much information too easily, the customer my think that the decision to raise rates was made with the same brevity.
Rude 22.2
I am now typing a paragraph that I can make Times New Roman and then Helvetica. I am supposed to compare the two typefaces. I am supposed to ask myself if the typeface is inviting, sophisticated, masculine, elegant. The one thing I hate about Times are the fat little lower case Es. They look bloated because where the crossbar is too thin. With Helvetica, I really like the upper case Rs. They are wide and sturdy. My favorite serifed font is probably Didot or Bodoni. They are clean, slim, and elegant but firm. My favorite san-serif font is probably Helvetica.
I am now typing a paragraph that I can make Times New Roman and then Helvetica. I am supposed to compare the two typefaces. I am supposed to ask myself if the typeface is inviting, sophisticated, masculine, elegant. The one thing I hate about Times are the fat little lower case Es. They look bloated because where the crossbar is too thin. With Helvetica, I really like the upper case Rs. They are wide and sturdy. My favorite serifed font is probably Didot or Bodoni. They are clean, slim, and elegant but firm. My favorite san-serif font is probably Helvetica.
Because Helvetica was not available in my browser, I chose Trebuchet as the sans-serif. Times is very straightforward, no frills, and familiar. It is very readable and serves its purpose without drawing attention to itself. I still hate the chubby little Es. It is also condensed as the paragraph above in times is almost a full line shorter than in Trebuchet.
Trebuchet is fun as it uses the old school lower case A and G while being thick and sturdy but curvaceous. Trebuchet also feels open and airy. I like it, but it is not a font that is taken seriously. You'd never use it on a job resume (unless you were applying to work at a bouncy house factory.)
I am now typing a paragraph that I can make Times New Roman and then Helvetica. I am supposed to compare the two typefaces. I am supposed to ask myself if the typeface is inviting, sophisticated, masculine, elegant. The one thing I hate about Times are the fat little lower case Es. They look bloated because where the crossbar is too thin. With Helvetica, I really like the upper case Rs. They are wide and sturdy. My favorite serifed font is probably Didot or Bodoni. They are clean, slim, and elegant but firm. My favorite san-serif font is probably Helvetica.
Because Helvetica was not available in my browser, I chose Trebuchet as the sans-serif. Times is very straightforward, no frills, and familiar. It is very readable and serves its purpose without drawing attention to itself. I still hate the chubby little Es. It is also condensed as the paragraph above in times is almost a full line shorter than in Trebuchet.
Trebuchet is fun as it uses the old school lower case A and G while being thick and sturdy but curvaceous. Trebuchet also feels open and airy. I like it, but it is not a font that is taken seriously. You'd never use it on a job resume (unless you were applying to work at a bouncy house factory.)
Rude 21.1
These are four situations when the ethics of technical editing need to be addressed. I will discuss the legal and ethical issues involved, speculate how to minimize conflict, and propose options for action.
A. In this situation, the legal issues the company faces are whether they can be held responsible if a person using their program makes an error that is in the instruction manual, but not clearly delineated. The editor wants to mark the warnings with the word "warning" highlighted by a color and in all capital letters, while the boss doesn't want warnings to be highlighted because s/he thought it would make the program seem problematic and deficient. Legally, the company needs to include language that will prevent data loss and other user error. Ethically, the company needs to determine how clear these warnings need to be without making themselves and their product look bad.
My proposition for action would be to determine three different levels of warning based on the direness of the consequences of the error and establishing three different ways to label them. My suggestion was two have a Notice level, a Warning level, and then a Highlighted Warning level.
B. In this situation, cigarette manufacturers are required to print warnings on labels, but sometimes the typography used on the labels can impair readability. The legal aspect of this situation is that the companies are required by law to post the warnings. I am not sure exactly what the law specifies about the labeling, but whatever they are, the cigarette companies need to comply with them. The ethical aspect of this issue comes in when the cigarette company can make decision about particular aspects of the typography. Should they make the warnings as easy to read as possible and be sure that customers can read the labels, or should they merely comply with the law and, if possible, hinder the customer ability or willingness to read the warnings? I believe that many of the questions of the typography used have to do with the designer doing the best they can to meet the requirements of the law while meeting the design requirements of the manufacturers. I think that cigarette companies must meet the requirements of the laws for sure and I think the packaging designers should work with good design principles and use good type. Making something ugly is almost as bad as making something that can harm someone' s health (that's an exaggeration). I don't feel like it's a technical editor's position to make too many decisions about this.
C.In this situation, a technical editor is trying to decide if all the warning about a certain product should be lumped together in the front of the user manual, however, good design principles indicate that usability of the information would increase if it were spread throughout the book in the appropriate places (or even in both places as redundancy can work to decrease user error). The legal and ethical implications are the same for the user manual of the computer program in scenario A. The company needs to "cover" themselves by putting the information in the booklet. But they face the ethical dilemma of how much they repeat the information. The big legal question is, can someone have a case against the company if they are somehow injured by the product and the warning in the user manual was included but not clearly delineated? The ethical question is, how much are we responsible for making the information in this manual easy to use?
Again, according to good design principles, redundancy will improve usability and create consistency and flow in the user manual, so that's what I would do. The designer has a responsibility to be a good designer and anticipate how a user will use the information and thus present it in the best way. The problem comes when a boss doesn't want too many warnings, or the user manual has to be produced on a short budget or the designer faces some other kinds of limitations. Then compromises need to be made.
D. In this last situation a company creating a marketing flier uses shading a scale to make a graph seem steeper than it is. The flyer is not meant to be persuasive. The legal issues are if a potential investor can feel deceived by this information and hold the company responsible for any loss s/he incurred. The ethical issues are if a company must present all it's data in the clearest way possible all the time. A question that needs to be answered is, who is responsible for the interpretation of the data in the graph, the producer or the reader. I believe that both parties are equally to blame when miscommunication occurs. The flyer shouldn't rely entirely on fancy graphs to convey information and readers should read graphs with a critical eye especially when money is involved.
A. In this situation, the legal issues the company faces are whether they can be held responsible if a person using their program makes an error that is in the instruction manual, but not clearly delineated. The editor wants to mark the warnings with the word "warning" highlighted by a color and in all capital letters, while the boss doesn't want warnings to be highlighted because s/he thought it would make the program seem problematic and deficient. Legally, the company needs to include language that will prevent data loss and other user error. Ethically, the company needs to determine how clear these warnings need to be without making themselves and their product look bad.
My proposition for action would be to determine three different levels of warning based on the direness of the consequences of the error and establishing three different ways to label them. My suggestion was two have a Notice level, a Warning level, and then a Highlighted Warning level.
B. In this situation, cigarette manufacturers are required to print warnings on labels, but sometimes the typography used on the labels can impair readability. The legal aspect of this situation is that the companies are required by law to post the warnings. I am not sure exactly what the law specifies about the labeling, but whatever they are, the cigarette companies need to comply with them. The ethical aspect of this issue comes in when the cigarette company can make decision about particular aspects of the typography. Should they make the warnings as easy to read as possible and be sure that customers can read the labels, or should they merely comply with the law and, if possible, hinder the customer ability or willingness to read the warnings? I believe that many of the questions of the typography used have to do with the designer doing the best they can to meet the requirements of the law while meeting the design requirements of the manufacturers. I think that cigarette companies must meet the requirements of the laws for sure and I think the packaging designers should work with good design principles and use good type. Making something ugly is almost as bad as making something that can harm someone' s health (that's an exaggeration). I don't feel like it's a technical editor's position to make too many decisions about this.
C.In this situation, a technical editor is trying to decide if all the warning about a certain product should be lumped together in the front of the user manual, however, good design principles indicate that usability of the information would increase if it were spread throughout the book in the appropriate places (or even in both places as redundancy can work to decrease user error). The legal and ethical implications are the same for the user manual of the computer program in scenario A. The company needs to "cover" themselves by putting the information in the booklet. But they face the ethical dilemma of how much they repeat the information. The big legal question is, can someone have a case against the company if they are somehow injured by the product and the warning in the user manual was included but not clearly delineated? The ethical question is, how much are we responsible for making the information in this manual easy to use?
Again, according to good design principles, redundancy will improve usability and create consistency and flow in the user manual, so that's what I would do. The designer has a responsibility to be a good designer and anticipate how a user will use the information and thus present it in the best way. The problem comes when a boss doesn't want too many warnings, or the user manual has to be produced on a short budget or the designer faces some other kinds of limitations. Then compromises need to be made.
D. In this last situation a company creating a marketing flier uses shading a scale to make a graph seem steeper than it is. The flyer is not meant to be persuasive. The legal issues are if a potential investor can feel deceived by this information and hold the company responsible for any loss s/he incurred. The ethical issues are if a company must present all it's data in the clearest way possible all the time. A question that needs to be answered is, who is responsible for the interpretation of the data in the graph, the producer or the reader. I believe that both parties are equally to blame when miscommunication occurs. The flyer shouldn't rely entirely on fancy graphs to convey information and readers should read graphs with a critical eye especially when money is involved.
Rude 19.1
I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of this document is. It discusses how The Society (a portentous name) uses and gains their funding, and so it seems like they are asking for money or proposing ways to get more money, however, the document never explicitly asks for money or formally makes a proposal. The text's purpose is unclear, but the graphs' purposes are clear. The first pie chart shows where money is spent and is labeled "Expenses." The labeling on the pie chart doesn't is awkward; instead of labeling the pie chart itself, the reader is given a reference number to find in the legend. The chart would be much easier to read if the labels and percentages were given on the chart itself. Also, there is no reason why the legend should not be listed in some kind of order, and greatest to smallest makes the most sense. Because the percentages are given in the table below the chart, the chart doesn't do much good anyway, it could be removed with no loss of information. Also, there is no need to give a total of 100%. It is assumed that all the pieces of a pie chart add up to 100%. The same is true for the second graph. The legend needs to be put in order from greatest to smallest, and the chart needs to be labeled better or gotten rid of. The pie charts have no color. While I believe that black and white pie charts are useless unless there are only three or four slices, I don't think that colorless charts solve that problem. The information is supposed to make sense at first glance, when a reader has to look up a reference number, the graph is not serving it's purpose.
The text is pretty bad at getting to the point. It barely does, and does so at the end of the last paragraph. The text should start with the proposal and purpose of the document instead a common sense description of how committees work. The last paragraph, especially the parts that show the increases in reserves should be moved to the front.
The text is pretty bad at getting to the point. It barely does, and does so at the end of the last paragraph. The text should start with the proposal and purpose of the document instead a common sense description of how committees work. The last paragraph, especially the parts that show the increases in reserves should be moved to the front.
Williams 9.3
These sentences have been edited to add strength to the ending. The directions said to end the sentence with a nominalized adjective, but that seemed silly to me. So I tried instead to end with a concrete noun.
1. If we invest our sweat in these projects, we must avoid appearing to work only because we are only interested in ourselves.
2. The plan for political campaign was concocted by those who were not sensitive to our most critical needs.
3. Throughout history, science has made progress because dedicated scientists have ignored a hostile, uniformed public.
4. Not one tendency in our govermental system has brought about more changes in American daily life than powerful federal government agencies.
5. The day is gone when school systems' board of education have the expectation that local taxpayers will automatically go along with the extravagant decisions of incompetent bureaucrats.
1. If we invest our sweat in these projects, we must avoid appearing to work only because we are only interested in ourselves.
2. The plan for political campaign was concocted by those who were not sensitive to our most critical needs.
3. Throughout history, science has made progress because dedicated scientists have ignored a hostile, uniformed public.
4. Not one tendency in our govermental system has brought about more changes in American daily life than powerful federal government agencies.
5. The day is gone when school systems' board of education have the expectation that local taxpayers will automatically go along with the extravagant decisions of incompetent bureaucrats.
Rude 16.7
The stylistic devices web editors use to achieve brevity include links to more information, summaries, previews, and short clear sentences.
Rude 15.5, 6, 7
5.
This passage has been edited to give each clause a human agent.
Courts use probation as a method to sentence a guilty party in lieu of incarceration. During probation, a probation officer supervises the offender in the community for a predetermined period of time. If the offender complies with the terms and conditions of the probation set by the court, the courts discharge him or her and consider the offender's debt to society paid. If the offender doesn't comply, courts may impose another method of sentence which may include incarceration.
6. The edited passage more clearly conveys who is responsible for what aspect of the probation process. The only thing sacrificed in the edited version is a clear word:definition set up, which is very helpful in textbooks. (The original read "probation is...") while this one places the emphasis on how probation works. However, the original gave a vague definition anyway. The structure of the paragraph is greatly improved by the parallel construction ("If the offender complies/doesn't comply... the courts...") and the consequences for the offender are much more clear. For this reason, a lawyer defending the offender might like the clarity, because, with the edited version, they couldn't argue whose responsibility it is that the offender comply, where as in the original they probably could.
7. In editing this passage, the I started at the beginning and edited each sentence in first to last. First I determined what the sentence was trying to say; I summarized the main information to myself. I usually do this by asking "Who is doing what to whom or what?" In the first sentence, I saw that the main topic of the sentence was "probation" and the main action is "imposed on," so I asked myself "Who imposes probation on whom?" I could find the whom, "a person found guilty of a crime" and I converted that phrase into a single noun with an adjective "guilty party." So I needed to come up with a "Who," and so I posited "Courts" as the actors, although "Judges," "prosecutors," and many other words could have worked as well. So I have the meat of the sentence, "Courts impose probation on a guilty party." But then I realized that an important part of the sentence was describing probation as a method of sentencing a person. So I had to incorporate that into the sentence. I decided to keep "Courts" as the actor and change the verb to the much less specific "use" so I could include the information about probation being a method of sentencing. The final sentence I ended up with was, "Courts use probation as a method to sentence a guilty party."
Then as I moved onto the next sentence, I realized that it would have the same actor, and many of the same words which would sound repetitive. The original sentence was "It is a court-ordered sentence in lieu of incarceration." Following the same process as the last sentence, I came up with the sentence, "Courts order probation on guilty parties in lieu of incarceration." Since the main meat of this sentence is the same as the main meat of the sentence previous, I decided to tack the new information in this sentence "in lieu of incarceration," onto the first sentence. Thus, it became what you read above.
I followed a similar process of asking myself who the actors were, what the action was, and whom was receiving the action to find the meat of the sentence. After that I compared that to make sure it conveyed all the same ideas that the original sentence had, and if it didn't reworking it until all the important ideas were included. Then I compared the sentence with what comes before and after it to make sure no information is left out or repeated.
This passage has been edited to give each clause a human agent.
Courts use probation as a method to sentence a guilty party in lieu of incarceration. During probation, a probation officer supervises the offender in the community for a predetermined period of time. If the offender complies with the terms and conditions of the probation set by the court, the courts discharge him or her and consider the offender's debt to society paid. If the offender doesn't comply, courts may impose another method of sentence which may include incarceration.
6. The edited passage more clearly conveys who is responsible for what aspect of the probation process. The only thing sacrificed in the edited version is a clear word:definition set up, which is very helpful in textbooks. (The original read "probation is...") while this one places the emphasis on how probation works. However, the original gave a vague definition anyway. The structure of the paragraph is greatly improved by the parallel construction ("If the offender complies/doesn't comply... the courts...") and the consequences for the offender are much more clear. For this reason, a lawyer defending the offender might like the clarity, because, with the edited version, they couldn't argue whose responsibility it is that the offender comply, where as in the original they probably could.
7. In editing this passage, the I started at the beginning and edited each sentence in first to last. First I determined what the sentence was trying to say; I summarized the main information to myself. I usually do this by asking "Who is doing what to whom or what?" In the first sentence, I saw that the main topic of the sentence was "probation" and the main action is "imposed on," so I asked myself "Who imposes probation on whom?" I could find the whom, "a person found guilty of a crime" and I converted that phrase into a single noun with an adjective "guilty party." So I needed to come up with a "Who," and so I posited "Courts" as the actors, although "Judges," "prosecutors," and many other words could have worked as well. So I have the meat of the sentence, "Courts impose probation on a guilty party." But then I realized that an important part of the sentence was describing probation as a method of sentencing a person. So I had to incorporate that into the sentence. I decided to keep "Courts" as the actor and change the verb to the much less specific "use" so I could include the information about probation being a method of sentencing. The final sentence I ended up with was, "Courts use probation as a method to sentence a guilty party."
Then as I moved onto the next sentence, I realized that it would have the same actor, and many of the same words which would sound repetitive. The original sentence was "It is a court-ordered sentence in lieu of incarceration." Following the same process as the last sentence, I came up with the sentence, "Courts order probation on guilty parties in lieu of incarceration." Since the main meat of this sentence is the same as the main meat of the sentence previous, I decided to tack the new information in this sentence "in lieu of incarceration," onto the first sentence. Thus, it became what you read above.
I followed a similar process of asking myself who the actors were, what the action was, and whom was receiving the action to find the meat of the sentence. After that I compared that to make sure it conveyed all the same ideas that the original sentence had, and if it didn't reworking it until all the important ideas were included. Then I compared the sentence with what comes before and after it to make sure no information is left out or repeated.
Rude 15.4
In a manual for volunteers assisting probation officers:
The sentences in this piece are short and contain only one main idea. This makes the sentences easier to read; however, the advanced vocabulary in the paragraph hinders all the readability that the short sentences create. The information is basic and straightforward, and, aside from the vocabulary, would work well to give basic information to a volunteer. The audience will need to know what probation is and how it works quickly in order to understand what their jobs will entail so they can move onto specifics. The terse, simple prose works well in this situation as well.
In a law textbook:
Unless this is a basic law textbook (like an Intro to Law class textbook) this sentence would be too basic. The vocabulary would probably be more appropriate for this audience, but they would probably already have an understanding of probation and this passage could seem below them. However, the simple sentence constructions would work well in a textbook when the purpose of the prose is to inform because each sentence conveys one idea and the reader can easily follow the meanings and definitions of the words.
The sentences in this piece are short and contain only one main idea. This makes the sentences easier to read; however, the advanced vocabulary in the paragraph hinders all the readability that the short sentences create. The information is basic and straightforward, and, aside from the vocabulary, would work well to give basic information to a volunteer. The audience will need to know what probation is and how it works quickly in order to understand what their jobs will entail so they can move onto specifics. The terse, simple prose works well in this situation as well.
In a law textbook:
Unless this is a basic law textbook (like an Intro to Law class textbook) this sentence would be too basic. The vocabulary would probably be more appropriate for this audience, but they would probably already have an understanding of probation and this passage could seem below them. However, the simple sentence constructions would work well in a textbook when the purpose of the prose is to inform because each sentence conveys one idea and the reader can easily follow the meanings and definitions of the words.
Williams 8.2
(I felt like Tom Brokaw was speaking in my head as I wrote these. In fact, I suggest reading these like a new anchor.)
1. Many school systems are returning to traditional education in the basics, basics that students do not now know.
Many school systems are returning to traditional education in the basics, a change that many liberals see as a sign of the end of the world.
Many school systems are returning to traditional education in the basics, maintaining a status quo that hasn't ever worked for anyone.
2. Within the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent quality control requirements, requirements that are squeezing already tight budgets.
Within the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent quality control requirements, a challenge that GM is not yet ready to meet.
Within the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent quality control requirements, assuring that all cars on the road will be safer.
3. The causes of aging are a puzzle that has perplexed humanity for millennia, a puzzle that will soon be solved by Chuck Norris.
The causes of aging are a puzzle that has perplexed humanity for millennia, a mystery that rivals any game of clue you've ever played.
The causes of aging are a puzzle that has perplexed humanity for millennia, engaging the greatest minds in what seems to be a losing battle.
4. The majority of young people cannot even begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, an insecurity that cripples our already-senile friends.
The majority of young people cannot even begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, a failure that has divided these two generations in more ways than one.
The majority of young people cannot even begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, resulting in the stupid hairstyles and fashion choices of the rising generation.
5. The successful accomplishment of test-tube embryo fertilization has raised many ethical issues that continue to trouble both scientists and laypeople, issues that will need to be addressed before mutants and zombies start taking over the Caribbean.
The successful accomplishment of test-tube embryo fertilization has raised many ethical issues that continue to trouble both scientists and laypeople, an event that will continue to "test" us forever.
The successful accomplishment of test-tube embryo fertilization has raised many ethical issues that continue to trouble both scientists and laypeople, resulting in many people kicking themselves out of churches they once loved and abandoning beliefs they once cherished.
6. Many who lived during the Victorian Era were appalled when Darwin suggested that their ancestry might have included creatures related to apes, a suggestion that later evolved into The Origin of Species.
Many who lived during the Victorian Era were appalled when Darwin suggested that their ancestry might have included creatures related to apes, a reaction that secular humanists find puritanical and dimwitted.
Many who lived during the Victorian Era were appalled when Darwin suggested that their ancestry might have included creatures related to apes, intimating that God did not create man whole and complete as the bible suggested.
7. During the Renaissance, political affluence and stability allowed differing streams of thought to merge and flow together, thoughts that would ultimately define the messed up western world we live in now.
During the Renaissance, political affluence and stability allowed differing streams of thought to merge and flow together, a circumstance that would allow the greatest minds of western history to shine.
During the Renaissance, political affluence and stability allowed differing streams of thought to merge and flow together, allowing the free exchange of philosophical ideas.
8. Journalism has increasingly focused on news stories and events that at one time in were considered to be only salacious and sexual gossip, a focus that brings in the big bucks while leaving the public like a deer in the headlights.
Journalism has increasingly focused on news stories and events that at one time in were considered to be only salacious and sexual gossip, a change that many welcome because of the increasing number of photos of topless women in the local newspaper.
Journalism has increasingly focused on news stories and events that at one time in were considered to be only salacious and sexual gossip, stripping journalism of whatever semblance of objectivity and reliability it ever had.
1. Many school systems are returning to traditional education in the basics, basics that students do not now know.
Many school systems are returning to traditional education in the basics, a change that many liberals see as a sign of the end of the world.
Many school systems are returning to traditional education in the basics, maintaining a status quo that hasn't ever worked for anyone.
2. Within the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent quality control requirements, requirements that are squeezing already tight budgets.
Within the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent quality control requirements, a challenge that GM is not yet ready to meet.
Within the last few years, automobile manufacturers have been trying to meet new and more stringent quality control requirements, assuring that all cars on the road will be safer.
3. The causes of aging are a puzzle that has perplexed humanity for millennia, a puzzle that will soon be solved by Chuck Norris.
The causes of aging are a puzzle that has perplexed humanity for millennia, a mystery that rivals any game of clue you've ever played.
The causes of aging are a puzzle that has perplexed humanity for millennia, engaging the greatest minds in what seems to be a losing battle.
4. The majority of young people cannot even begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, an insecurity that cripples our already-senile friends.
The majority of young people cannot even begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, a failure that has divided these two generations in more ways than one.
The majority of young people cannot even begin to understand the insecurity that many older people experienced during the Great Depression, resulting in the stupid hairstyles and fashion choices of the rising generation.
5. The successful accomplishment of test-tube embryo fertilization has raised many ethical issues that continue to trouble both scientists and laypeople, issues that will need to be addressed before mutants and zombies start taking over the Caribbean.
The successful accomplishment of test-tube embryo fertilization has raised many ethical issues that continue to trouble both scientists and laypeople, an event that will continue to "test" us forever.
The successful accomplishment of test-tube embryo fertilization has raised many ethical issues that continue to trouble both scientists and laypeople, resulting in many people kicking themselves out of churches they once loved and abandoning beliefs they once cherished.
6. Many who lived during the Victorian Era were appalled when Darwin suggested that their ancestry might have included creatures related to apes, a suggestion that later evolved into The Origin of Species.
Many who lived during the Victorian Era were appalled when Darwin suggested that their ancestry might have included creatures related to apes, a reaction that secular humanists find puritanical and dimwitted.
Many who lived during the Victorian Era were appalled when Darwin suggested that their ancestry might have included creatures related to apes, intimating that God did not create man whole and complete as the bible suggested.
7. During the Renaissance, political affluence and stability allowed differing streams of thought to merge and flow together, thoughts that would ultimately define the messed up western world we live in now.
During the Renaissance, political affluence and stability allowed differing streams of thought to merge and flow together, a circumstance that would allow the greatest minds of western history to shine.
During the Renaissance, political affluence and stability allowed differing streams of thought to merge and flow together, allowing the free exchange of philosophical ideas.
8. Journalism has increasingly focused on news stories and events that at one time in were considered to be only salacious and sexual gossip, a focus that brings in the big bucks while leaving the public like a deer in the headlights.
Journalism has increasingly focused on news stories and events that at one time in were considered to be only salacious and sexual gossip, a change that many welcome because of the increasing number of photos of topless women in the local newspaper.
Journalism has increasingly focused on news stories and events that at one time in were considered to be only salacious and sexual gossip, stripping journalism of whatever semblance of objectivity and reliability it ever had.
Williams 8.1
These sentences originally had long introductory clauses.
1. Proponents of workfare are premature in their recommendation because it has not yet been shown to be a successful alternative to welfare and evidence showing its ability to provide meaningful employment for welfare recipients is not yet available.
2. While teachers, administators, and even newspapers hotly debate the topic of grade inflation, employers easily identify candidates with high levels of technical and analytical skills.
3. Foreign criminal justice systems may prevent foreign piracy of videos and CDs by moving cases faster through their systems and imposing stiffer penalties to; however, no one expects the judges who hear these cases to improve their expertise any time in the immediate future.
4. According to school security officials, local principles may require students to pass through metal detectors before entering a school building. Therefore, the total package of school security must educate parents and students about the seriousness of bringing anything that looks like a weapon onto school property.
5. The music industry's image is not likely to improve if they ignore the problem of applying the same rating system to FM and AM radio that is applied to offensive lyrics, even if they were willing to discuss a system that could be used to sell music in retail stores.
These sentences originally had long subjects.
6. Shakespeare decided to have Lady Macbeth die off stage rather than letting the audience see her die. To explain this decision we must understand the audience's reaction to Macbeth's death.
7. If the film industry and television producers agreed to limit characters using cigarettes, and even if they carried it out, it would do little to discourage young people from smoking.
8. Students have the right to have access to their own records, including medical records, academic reports, and confidential comments by advisers. These rights will generally take precedence over an institution's desires to keep records private, except when students agree to limit those rights under specified circumstances at registration.
These sentences originally contained an interruption.
9. The construction of the Interstate Highway system ran into serious financial problems because congress, when they originally voted funds for it, did not anticipate inflation.
10. Such prejudicial conduct or behavior is to some degree prejudicial to good order and discipline, regardless of the reasons to justify it.
11. TV "reality" shows are about the most popular regularly scheduled shows because they appeal to our fascination with real-life conflict and voyeuristic impulses.
12. Cigarette companies no longer insist that there is no proof by scientific means of a causal link between tobacco consumption and various disease entities such as heart diseases and malignant growth when there is a strong statistical correlation between smoking and such diseases.
13. Unless there is a marked reduction, the unabated emission of carbon dioxide gas into the atmosphere will eventually result in serious changes in the climate of our world.
1. Proponents of workfare are premature in their recommendation because it has not yet been shown to be a successful alternative to welfare and evidence showing its ability to provide meaningful employment for welfare recipients is not yet available.
2. While teachers, administators, and even newspapers hotly debate the topic of grade inflation, employers easily identify candidates with high levels of technical and analytical skills.
3. Foreign criminal justice systems may prevent foreign piracy of videos and CDs by moving cases faster through their systems and imposing stiffer penalties to; however, no one expects the judges who hear these cases to improve their expertise any time in the immediate future.
4. According to school security officials, local principles may require students to pass through metal detectors before entering a school building. Therefore, the total package of school security must educate parents and students about the seriousness of bringing anything that looks like a weapon onto school property.
5. The music industry's image is not likely to improve if they ignore the problem of applying the same rating system to FM and AM radio that is applied to offensive lyrics, even if they were willing to discuss a system that could be used to sell music in retail stores.
These sentences originally had long subjects.
6. Shakespeare decided to have Lady Macbeth die off stage rather than letting the audience see her die. To explain this decision we must understand the audience's reaction to Macbeth's death.
7. If the film industry and television producers agreed to limit characters using cigarettes, and even if they carried it out, it would do little to discourage young people from smoking.
8. Students have the right to have access to their own records, including medical records, academic reports, and confidential comments by advisers. These rights will generally take precedence over an institution's desires to keep records private, except when students agree to limit those rights under specified circumstances at registration.
These sentences originally contained an interruption.
9. The construction of the Interstate Highway system ran into serious financial problems because congress, when they originally voted funds for it, did not anticipate inflation.
10. Such prejudicial conduct or behavior is to some degree prejudicial to good order and discipline, regardless of the reasons to justify it.
11. TV "reality" shows are about the most popular regularly scheduled shows because they appeal to our fascination with real-life conflict and voyeuristic impulses.
12. Cigarette companies no longer insist that there is no proof by scientific means of a causal link between tobacco consumption and various disease entities such as heart diseases and malignant growth when there is a strong statistical correlation between smoking and such diseases.
13. Unless there is a marked reduction, the unabated emission of carbon dioxide gas into the atmosphere will eventually result in serious changes in the climate of our world.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Rude 23.1
In order to create a useful, high-quality anthology of articles on the subject of computer documentation, we have decided to use both previously published articles and solicit a few writers in the field to create new articles.
Our plan is to find four of the top names in the field and ask each of them to produce an article about the field and also serve as the review board for the three other members of the board. Each person will produce one article and review three. These professionals can also be a guide to choosing the most important articles that will best serve the anthology. We will also invite the authors of the previously published articles to write a preface for the anthology.
In order to prepare copy for the anthology, we will need to get all of the final copies of the files (original articles, prefaces, author bios, and new reviewed articles) submitted electronically into one text document. We will create a style and template for the pages and reformat all of the articles to fit.
We want to produce this anthology with little money, so we will go with a two column page with smaller margins and deal with the template problems this produces. We will also not have any additional materials added onto the articles (reference lists, or prompts for finding more information). There will also be a bio sketch for each author at the end of the book.
Our plan is to find four of the top names in the field and ask each of them to produce an article about the field and also serve as the review board for the three other members of the board. Each person will produce one article and review three. These professionals can also be a guide to choosing the most important articles that will best serve the anthology. We will also invite the authors of the previously published articles to write a preface for the anthology.
In order to prepare copy for the anthology, we will need to get all of the final copies of the files (original articles, prefaces, author bios, and new reviewed articles) submitted electronically into one text document. We will create a style and template for the pages and reformat all of the articles to fit.
We want to produce this anthology with little money, so we will go with a two column page with smaller margins and deal with the template problems this produces. We will also not have any additional materials added onto the articles (reference lists, or prompts for finding more information). There will also be a bio sketch for each author at the end of the book.
Williams 7.4
These sentences have been edited to eliminate metadiscourse and redundancy.
1. There may always be TV programming to appeal to our most prurient interests.
2. The standard approach to plea bargaining may need to be dispensed with because criminals may avoid receiving a just punishment and it seems to encourage a lack of respect for the judicial system.
3. There is one basic principle of making decisions regarding protecting unspoiled areas from commercial exploitation.
4. We can assume that there are no terrestrial-type snakes surpassing the size of known species.
5. For some, the educational system has exceeded the family as a major source of social value transmission.
1. There may always be TV programming to appeal to our most prurient interests.
2. The standard approach to plea bargaining may need to be dispensed with because criminals may avoid receiving a just punishment and it seems to encourage a lack of respect for the judicial system.
3. There is one basic principle of making decisions regarding protecting unspoiled areas from commercial exploitation.
4. We can assume that there are no terrestrial-type snakes surpassing the size of known species.
5. For some, the educational system has exceeded the family as a major source of social value transmission.
Williams 7.3
These sentences will be (1) edited to eliminate metadiscourse, and (2) rewritten as a statement, so that I can (3) evaluate the claim.
1. This essay will survey research in schemata theory as applied to the pedagogy of mathematical problem solving.
Schemata theory is applied to the pedagogy of mathematical problem solving.
self-evident, makes no claim
2. I will analyze Frost's use of imagery of seasons in his longer poems published at the end of his career.
Frost used imagery of seasons in his longer poems published at the end of his career.
Uninteresting claim
3. The methodological differences between English and American histories of the War of 1812 resulting in radically differing interpretations of the cause of the conflict are the topic of this study.
The methodological differences between English and American histories of the War of 1812 result in radically differing interpretations of the cause of the conflict.
Interesting Claim
4. In this essay, I analyze the mistaken assumption underlying Freud's interpretation of dreams.
A mistaken assumption underlies Freud's interpretation of dreams.
Interesting, but vague
5. We will consider scientific thinking and its historical roots in connection with the influence of Egypt on Greek thought.
Scientific thinking has historical roots and Egypt influenced greek thought and these two statements are connected somehow.
Possibly interesting but vague and doesn't make much sense.
6. This article discusses needle sharing among drug users.
Drug users share needles.
Uninteresting claim
7. The relationship between birth order and academic success will be explored.
There is a relationship between birth order and academic success.
Uninteresting and vague
8. I intend to address the problem of the reasons for the failure and success of trade embargoes in this century.
Trade embargoes in this century have failed and succeeded for reasons.
No claim made, vague, uninteresting
1. This essay will survey research in schemata theory as applied to the pedagogy of mathematical problem solving.
Schemata theory is applied to the pedagogy of mathematical problem solving.
self-evident, makes no claim
2. I will analyze Frost's use of imagery of seasons in his longer poems published at the end of his career.
Frost used imagery of seasons in his longer poems published at the end of his career.
Uninteresting claim
3. The methodological differences between English and American histories of the War of 1812 resulting in radically differing interpretations of the cause of the conflict are the topic of this study.
The methodological differences between English and American histories of the War of 1812 result in radically differing interpretations of the cause of the conflict.
Interesting Claim
4. In this essay, I analyze the mistaken assumption underlying Freud's interpretation of dreams.
A mistaken assumption underlies Freud's interpretation of dreams.
Interesting, but vague
5. We will consider scientific thinking and its historical roots in connection with the influence of Egypt on Greek thought.
Scientific thinking has historical roots and Egypt influenced greek thought and these two statements are connected somehow.
Possibly interesting but vague and doesn't make much sense.
6. This article discusses needle sharing among drug users.
Drug users share needles.
Uninteresting claim
7. The relationship between birth order and academic success will be explored.
There is a relationship between birth order and academic success.
Uninteresting and vague
8. I intend to address the problem of the reasons for the failure and success of trade embargoes in this century.
Trade embargoes in this century have failed and succeeded for reasons.
No claim made, vague, uninteresting
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Rude 20.2
A department committee will meet for strategic planning to identify goals for surviving in light of the new policies of retrenchment. We will have to dig in to fight the misunderstanding of management about the department needs and goals. If our current funding is reduced, we will not be able to play on a level playing field with the competition. It appears that the vice president is trying to do an end run around our department manager.
Phrases from this English document that will not translate:
-survive
-in light of
-retrenchment
-dig in to fight the misunderstanding
-play on a level playing field
-do an end run
The war metaphors will seem out of place and possibly offensive to other cultures, while the sports metaphors will not translate well.
This is the same document translated into Norwegian and then back into English.
A department committee will meet for strategic planning to identify goals for existence in the light of the new policy of retrenchment. We must dig in to fight the misconception of the management of the department's needs and goals. If our current funding is reduced, we will not be able to play on a level playing field with competitors. It appears that the vice president is trying to do an end run around our department.
While many of the idioms came across word for word in the translation, there is little chance the connotations of the metaphors will translate as clearly. Two important words were replaced, "existence" for "surviving" and "misconception" for "misunderstanding." Surviving requires more work and involves more risk than merely existing, so there is little chance the foreign audience will understand the metaphor of the companies fight to survive. Instead of sounding like the company is fighting to stay at the top of many other companies, it almost sounds more like the company is about to go under completely. Also, if management has a misconception it is their own fault, whereas if the management misunderstood, it is possible that both parties involved in the communication are at fault.
Phrases from this English document that will not translate:
-survive
-in light of
-retrenchment
-dig in to fight the misunderstanding
-play on a level playing field
-do an end run
The war metaphors will seem out of place and possibly offensive to other cultures, while the sports metaphors will not translate well.
This is the same document translated into Norwegian and then back into English.
A department committee will meet for strategic planning to identify goals for existence in the light of the new policy of retrenchment. We must dig in to fight the misconception of the management of the department's needs and goals. If our current funding is reduced, we will not be able to play on a level playing field with competitors. It appears that the vice president is trying to do an end run around our department.
While many of the idioms came across word for word in the translation, there is little chance the connotations of the metaphors will translate as clearly. Two important words were replaced, "existence" for "surviving" and "misconception" for "misunderstanding." Surviving requires more work and involves more risk than merely existing, so there is little chance the foreign audience will understand the metaphor of the companies fight to survive. Instead of sounding like the company is fighting to stay at the top of many other companies, it almost sounds more like the company is about to go under completely. Also, if management has a misconception it is their own fault, whereas if the management misunderstood, it is possible that both parties involved in the communication are at fault.
Rude 17.7
In this post, I will examine my own writing for cohesion.
Here is a paragraph from my blog. I will bold words that carry over from one sentence to the next and italicize words that are contrasted.
I just finished reading Writing Space by Jay David Bolter, and in it he talks about how electronic media has brought an end to authority in many of the ways Deconstructionism and Postmodern thought has. The fixed literary canon of western writers like Emerson, Fitzgerald, Whitman, Dickenson, Joyce, Milton, etc. have been seen in the academic world as infallible monuments of great writing, and anyone who wants to be considered intelligent or literate better read and understand these authors and what others have to say about them. It was a world of experts. Postmodern and Deconstructionist thinkers made a big effort to show the contradictions, fallibility, and fragmentation of these writers and try to remediate the attitude of worship for these authors and their texts. But he also points out that these thinkers were ultimately unsuccessful in changing how the majority of people think, and that the academy still wants monuments of good writing.
I fell like most of the paragraph is cohesive because important pieces of sentences are carried to the next sentence and elaborated upon. The main subjects of this paragraph (authority and how deconstructionism and postmodern theories challenge it) are found in each sentence. It contrasts the old world of academia with these new thinkers with the combination of infallible/fallibility. The last sentence is the only one that really presents a problem. It refers to a "he" which is somewhat easy to follow because the only singular male I have mentioned is Jay Bolter, so it is not difficult to pinpoint the antecedent. However, there are three long sentences between them. I should have repeated Bolter's name in the last sentence to clarify exactly who I was talking about. The last sentence is an important caveat to the whole paragraph and, because it contrasts what the rest of the paragraph is saying, I think it works that the cohesion also breaks there.
Here is a paragraph from my blog. I will bold words that carry over from one sentence to the next and italicize words that are contrasted.
I just finished reading Writing Space by Jay David Bolter, and in it he talks about how electronic media has brought an end to authority in many of the ways Deconstructionism and Postmodern thought has. The fixed literary canon of western writers like Emerson, Fitzgerald, Whitman, Dickenson, Joyce, Milton, etc. have been seen in the academic world as infallible monuments of great writing, and anyone who wants to be considered intelligent or literate better read and understand these authors and what others have to say about them. It was a world of experts. Postmodern and Deconstructionist thinkers made a big effort to show the contradictions, fallibility, and fragmentation of these writers and try to remediate the attitude of worship for these authors and their texts. But he also points out that these thinkers were ultimately unsuccessful in changing how the majority of people think, and that the academy still wants monuments of good writing.
I fell like most of the paragraph is cohesive because important pieces of sentences are carried to the next sentence and elaborated upon. The main subjects of this paragraph (authority and how deconstructionism and postmodern theories challenge it) are found in each sentence. It contrasts the old world of academia with these new thinkers with the combination of infallible/fallibility. The last sentence is the only one that really presents a problem. It refers to a "he" which is somewhat easy to follow because the only singular male I have mentioned is Jay Bolter, so it is not difficult to pinpoint the antecedent. However, there are three long sentences between them. I should have repeated Bolter's name in the last sentence to clarify exactly who I was talking about. The last sentence is an important caveat to the whole paragraph and, because it contrasts what the rest of the paragraph is saying, I think it works that the cohesion also breaks there.
Rude 17.1
I looked at the websites for the English Department and the History Department. There was little consistency, but both websites had two clear audiences, prospective students, and current students. They both offer the names of and information about faculty and courses offered. They both had sections for department news and events, although the English Department website more clearly delineated theirs. They both had different pages for Graduate and Undergraduate sections. The History Departments website more closely resembles Oklahoma State University's website, and was easier to navigate with a consistent navigation bar on the left side of the screen that always offered the same choices. I think it looks better that the History Department's site more closely matches the OSU pages, however, it makes it more bland and the artwork on the home page doesn't make any sense.
Williams 7.2
The first sentence is less clear. Perhaps the vagueness of the sentence leads many to misunderstand and not cancel their free trial offer and therefore be charged the first monthly fee. The simplest way to write this sentence would be "If you don't cancel your membership within the first thirty days, you will be charged the first monthly fee." But that sounds more like a threat. The company wants this part of the contract to feel like an option, not a warning.
Williams 7.1
This sentences have been edited to reduce redundancy
1. Critics use technical terms to analyze and discuss literary texts meaningfully.
2. Scientific research depends on accurate data to plausibly predict the future.
3. Teaching job prospects for Graduate students are uncertain.
4. Even though all firearm restrictions are hotly debated, the public should continue discussing them.
5. Most clinical patients expect little extra treatment because there problems can be treated without much time, effort or attention.
6. The Insured must provide the Insurer with receipts, checks, or other evidence of costs, unless expenses exceed $250.
7. If legislators reduce federal spending, the federal deficit can be reduced.
8. Continue medication if dizziness and nausea are present within six hours.
9. Without a full hearing to establish the contrary, everyone should be allowed to participate in cost-sharing educational programs.
10. Astronomers will only determine if the universe is open or closed after the mass of the universe is computed.
11. So long as taxpayers pay their taxes, the government will be able to pay its debts.
12. This country must develop tar sand, oil shale, and coal as sources of fuel, if we wish to stop being dependent on imported oil.
13. Only when the issue of papal authority is settled between Catholics and Protestants will a reconciliation begin between these two christian religions.
1. Critics use technical terms to analyze and discuss literary texts meaningfully.
2. Scientific research depends on accurate data to plausibly predict the future.
3. Teaching job prospects for Graduate students are uncertain.
4. Even though all firearm restrictions are hotly debated, the public should continue discussing them.
5. Most clinical patients expect little extra treatment because there problems can be treated without much time, effort or attention.
6. The Insured must provide the Insurer with receipts, checks, or other evidence of costs, unless expenses exceed $250.
7. If legislators reduce federal spending, the federal deficit can be reduced.
8. Continue medication if dizziness and nausea are present within six hours.
9. Without a full hearing to establish the contrary, everyone should be allowed to participate in cost-sharing educational programs.
10. Astronomers will only determine if the universe is open or closed after the mass of the universe is computed.
11. So long as taxpayers pay their taxes, the government will be able to pay its debts.
12. This country must develop tar sand, oil shale, and coal as sources of fuel, if we wish to stop being dependent on imported oil.
13. Only when the issue of papal authority is settled between Catholics and Protestants will a reconciliation begin between these two christian religions.
Carroll 5.1
For this post I will be creating an audience profile for strobist.blogspot.com, my favorite photography blog.
I'm cheating a little bit here, because Dave Hobby, the photographer behind the blog, actually publishes and references his demographic information often. Strobist visitors are middle to upper class males in many countries around the world who enjoy photography (either as a hobby or professionally) and have limited disposable income. The writing for the blog needs to be snarky, informative, and simple (for translation purposes and because men's heads are made of meat) and it never hurts to throw in some references to bikinis (although the site is almost entirely family friendly).
The visitors of the site are seeking photography tips and behind the scenes how-to information and informed reviews on the latest photography products. Hobby updates the blog somewhere close to three times a week. (Eerily, almost all posts were posted at 12:00 am.)
Hobby has a few competitors, Zach Arias, Joe McNalley, Chase Jarvis, Jeremy Cowart, Joey Lawrence, Scott Kelby, Dave Tejada and others. But the ways that the top photography bloggers deal with this competition is two-fold: each photographer has their particular niche--Dave Hobby is the DIY off camera MacGuyver-style photographer; and the instead of competing for the viewers attention as a scarce resource, they usually combine forces, link to each others blogs and share as much information as they can with each other. They know their audience wants as much information as they can get their hands on, and as soon as someone starts limiting the information they give out or seeing their knowledge as a scarcity, the sooner they stop following these photographer's blogs. In order to create content for the strobist site, then, I would need to work focus directly into the market Dave Hobby has created. This doesn't necessarily change what the present, just how to present it. Instead of just giving a link to a behind the scenes video from a photographer for instance, (something all photobloggers do) Hobby, closely analyzes the video and extracts all the available information from it. This extra close look at things is what Strobist readers expect, whereas visitors to other blogs would rather just watch the video and move on.
Hobby has done an incredible job of organizing the vast amounts of knowledge he has compiled in his blogs. He has an elaborate glossary as well as a search option, which makes finding information on his site very easy. He has a very consistent style that adds to the usability of the site. I wouldn't change anything, except as I mentioned before, I like it when links open in a new tab instead of the same window, and this site doesn't do that.
I'm cheating a little bit here, because Dave Hobby, the photographer behind the blog, actually publishes and references his demographic information often. Strobist visitors are middle to upper class males in many countries around the world who enjoy photography (either as a hobby or professionally) and have limited disposable income. The writing for the blog needs to be snarky, informative, and simple (for translation purposes and because men's heads are made of meat) and it never hurts to throw in some references to bikinis (although the site is almost entirely family friendly).
The visitors of the site are seeking photography tips and behind the scenes how-to information and informed reviews on the latest photography products. Hobby updates the blog somewhere close to three times a week. (Eerily, almost all posts were posted at 12:00 am.)
Hobby has a few competitors, Zach Arias, Joe McNalley, Chase Jarvis, Jeremy Cowart, Joey Lawrence, Scott Kelby, Dave Tejada and others. But the ways that the top photography bloggers deal with this competition is two-fold: each photographer has their particular niche--Dave Hobby is the DIY off camera MacGuyver-style photographer; and the instead of competing for the viewers attention as a scarce resource, they usually combine forces, link to each others blogs and share as much information as they can with each other. They know their audience wants as much information as they can get their hands on, and as soon as someone starts limiting the information they give out or seeing their knowledge as a scarcity, the sooner they stop following these photographer's blogs. In order to create content for the strobist site, then, I would need to work focus directly into the market Dave Hobby has created. This doesn't necessarily change what the present, just how to present it. Instead of just giving a link to a behind the scenes video from a photographer for instance, (something all photobloggers do) Hobby, closely analyzes the video and extracts all the available information from it. This extra close look at things is what Strobist readers expect, whereas visitors to other blogs would rather just watch the video and move on.
Hobby has done an incredible job of organizing the vast amounts of knowledge he has compiled in his blogs. He has an elaborate glossary as well as a search option, which makes finding information on his site very easy. He has a very consistent style that adds to the usability of the site. I wouldn't change anything, except as I mentioned before, I like it when links open in a new tab instead of the same window, and this site doesn't do that.
Carroll 4.2
For this assignment, we are supposed to find an article that needs to include a list. I looked for quite some time and could not find one. I lists are the default way to present information now. Finding an article without lists is the problem. There are certain situations that require a list, present options, giving multiple versions of the same thing, and presenting many items that all fit into the same category.
This doesn't happen all that much, and I think that we've been (or at least I've been) in the web world so much now, that starting a list is second nature to me. I think a much more interesting challenge would be to create a very usable, but very text-heavy website. This blog offers some tips. I think most of us are too quick to start dividing up long blocks of text. I know that as soon as I see more than 250 words strung together in one block my mind almost blocks it out and starts looking for pictures, highlighted or bolded words, or anything else that can help me "read" the text without actually having to read it.
Lists also don't work for every situation because there is too much information to present about each item. Lists don't do much good unless each item is less than 20 words or so. If you've got more to present than that, you should probably just rely on paragraph breaks to visually "chunk" the text.
So I didn't fulfill this assignment the way Carroll told me to. But I feel like I know when to use a list, why to use a list, and more importantly, I understand that a web editor shouldn't use a list only to "break up the text" or add visual interest. A list should serve a purpose and make a lot of information easier to handle.
This doesn't happen all that much, and I think that we've been (or at least I've been) in the web world so much now, that starting a list is second nature to me. I think a much more interesting challenge would be to create a very usable, but very text-heavy website. This blog offers some tips. I think most of us are too quick to start dividing up long blocks of text. I know that as soon as I see more than 250 words strung together in one block my mind almost blocks it out and starts looking for pictures, highlighted or bolded words, or anything else that can help me "read" the text without actually having to read it.
Lists also don't work for every situation because there is too much information to present about each item. Lists don't do much good unless each item is less than 20 words or so. If you've got more to present than that, you should probably just rely on paragraph breaks to visually "chunk" the text.
So I didn't fulfill this assignment the way Carroll told me to. But I feel like I know when to use a list, why to use a list, and more importantly, I understand that a web editor shouldn't use a list only to "break up the text" or add visual interest. A list should serve a purpose and make a lot of information easier to handle.
Carroll 3.1
The site I will be critiquing is an urban bicycling site I visit often called Urbanvelo.org.
Navigation
Urbanvelo wants visitors to come to the site as a hub of information on urban cycling. The main page is the blog, however, there are seven main pages at the top of the screen. Each has the same navigation at the top of the screen. These pages are "Magazine Downloads," "Subscribe," "Merchandise," "Blog," "Product Reviews," "Product News," and "Contact." If we assume that they placed these links in descending order of importance, than we learn a lot about urbanvelo: they are foremost a magazine; they want the blog readers to go to the magazine and subscribe, view, and download the magazine before (or as) they view the blog. They also want to sell their products, which consist mainly of t-shirts and stickers, before people read their blog or at the very least they want the blog readers to be constantly reminded of the magazine and the merchandise. We can also see that they understand their audience very well. The blog contains links to news stories, videos, and interesting stuff that is (sometimes loosely) related to biking. But at the top of the page they give two more options for how to read the blog "Product reviews" and "Product news." They know that many visitors to the blog only really care about what is new and hot in the world of urban cycling. So they give their readers the chance to see only what they want without wading through other blog entries. This site knows what is it for and who visits it and they make the experience very user friendly.
One glaring downfall is that all the links open up in the same window. When I navigate away from Urbanvelo, and view the contents of another site, I may have to click the back button up to 15 times or more just to get back to Urbanvelo and then renavigate back to where I was in the blog (which is annoying if I've fallen behind and have two or three pages to read). This is also a problem for Urbanvelo. One of the main uses of their site (for me at least) is to use the sponsored links down the right side of the home page to visit other manufacturers of biking products. When I do so, and the link opens in the same window, I have to repeat click back to Urbanvelo so many times I get frustrated and stop.
Aside from that, the navigation is consistent, logical and easy to use.
Page Layouts
Urbanvelo's site relies highly on the accepted blog convention of heavy vertical-scrolling pages. This is a problem for sites in which you want to get all the vital information quickly, but works well for leisurely browsing sites like Urbanvelo. Most visitors to the site know that they will be doing a lot of vertical scrolling, so there's no problem that the long list of sponsors on the right side goes down for quite some time. I am already willing as a visitor to scroll for more information, because that's how blogs work.
Consistency
As I mentioned above, the navigation at the top is consistent, as well as the footer and the links down the side, which include links to featured articles, recent comments made by visitors, links to urbanvelo sites outside of the main site (like Facebook pages), and the sponsored links. These are all consistent on the main six pages. Only the information in the center window changes. This consistency doesn't work for pages without a lot of information like the "Merchandise" and "Contact" pages because without enough information to get the reader to scroll down, they won't see half of the links available to them. However, this problem is minimal as most users will use the main page to navigate to other links.
Also every link that requires the visitor click on a picture also has a text link that takes them to the same place. This redundancy is always a good idea.
Tone and Voice
The editors know what they are talking about and it shows, which works well because most visitors to the site are coming for well-informed reviews and synopsis of important events in the urban cycling world. Most posts are written in the second person and refer to themselves many times. There are times, however, that the talk get jargon heavy; for example, they assume the reader would know what a press-in bottom bracket converter would be. They balance this well though, with many of the posts being basic maintenance how-tos for those with less experience with the jargon. The writers are familiar with the audience, which when backed up with solid knowledge, makes for a very inviting and informative experience.
Navigation
Urbanvelo wants visitors to come to the site as a hub of information on urban cycling. The main page is the blog, however, there are seven main pages at the top of the screen. Each has the same navigation at the top of the screen. These pages are "Magazine Downloads," "Subscribe," "Merchandise," "Blog," "Product Reviews," "Product News," and "Contact." If we assume that they placed these links in descending order of importance, than we learn a lot about urbanvelo: they are foremost a magazine; they want the blog readers to go to the magazine and subscribe, view, and download the magazine before (or as) they view the blog. They also want to sell their products, which consist mainly of t-shirts and stickers, before people read their blog or at the very least they want the blog readers to be constantly reminded of the magazine and the merchandise. We can also see that they understand their audience very well. The blog contains links to news stories, videos, and interesting stuff that is (sometimes loosely) related to biking. But at the top of the page they give two more options for how to read the blog "Product reviews" and "Product news." They know that many visitors to the blog only really care about what is new and hot in the world of urban cycling. So they give their readers the chance to see only what they want without wading through other blog entries. This site knows what is it for and who visits it and they make the experience very user friendly.
One glaring downfall is that all the links open up in the same window. When I navigate away from Urbanvelo, and view the contents of another site, I may have to click the back button up to 15 times or more just to get back to Urbanvelo and then renavigate back to where I was in the blog (which is annoying if I've fallen behind and have two or three pages to read). This is also a problem for Urbanvelo. One of the main uses of their site (for me at least) is to use the sponsored links down the right side of the home page to visit other manufacturers of biking products. When I do so, and the link opens in the same window, I have to repeat click back to Urbanvelo so many times I get frustrated and stop.
Aside from that, the navigation is consistent, logical and easy to use.
Page Layouts
Urbanvelo's site relies highly on the accepted blog convention of heavy vertical-scrolling pages. This is a problem for sites in which you want to get all the vital information quickly, but works well for leisurely browsing sites like Urbanvelo. Most visitors to the site know that they will be doing a lot of vertical scrolling, so there's no problem that the long list of sponsors on the right side goes down for quite some time. I am already willing as a visitor to scroll for more information, because that's how blogs work.
Consistency
As I mentioned above, the navigation at the top is consistent, as well as the footer and the links down the side, which include links to featured articles, recent comments made by visitors, links to urbanvelo sites outside of the main site (like Facebook pages), and the sponsored links. These are all consistent on the main six pages. Only the information in the center window changes. This consistency doesn't work for pages without a lot of information like the "Merchandise" and "Contact" pages because without enough information to get the reader to scroll down, they won't see half of the links available to them. However, this problem is minimal as most users will use the main page to navigate to other links.
Also every link that requires the visitor click on a picture also has a text link that takes them to the same place. This redundancy is always a good idea.
Tone and Voice
The editors know what they are talking about and it shows, which works well because most visitors to the site are coming for well-informed reviews and synopsis of important events in the urban cycling world. Most posts are written in the second person and refer to themselves many times. There are times, however, that the talk get jargon heavy; for example, they assume the reader would know what a press-in bottom bracket converter would be. They balance this well though, with many of the posts being basic maintenance how-tos for those with less experience with the jargon. The writers are familiar with the audience, which when backed up with solid knowledge, makes for a very inviting and informative experience.
Williams 6.3
Number two is the best set up because the paragraph doesn't focus on the Romanov line, nor does it talk about how things changed, but instead focuses on the turmoil that happened as successions happened.
Rude 5.4
I tried to look at STC's magazine Intercom but an the site required that I have an account to access any of the articles.
I looked at the TCCC mailing list, but it didn't seem to have any of the information I was looking for. But it did have a lot of CFPs for cloud computing. I think this might be the next be thing in technical communication. Web 2.0 sites like Google Docs and others that make online collaboration user friendly can be the next big thing. I recently used Google Docs to make a presentation (powerpoint style) with a classmate. The collaboration part of it was flawless. We lost no information and neither of us had any problems creating the document. On top of that, there is some added security as the document automatically saves itself every few seconds, so if your computer dies, or someone kicks out the power cord, there is no need to worry; you haven't lost anything. I'm not one hundred percent sure about securing documents from outsiders, but it seems like most documents can only be accessed through an authorized Google account. The program wasn't as sophisticated as PowerPoint but very useful.
I imagine that a technical communicator is going to have to be very comfortable with using these kinds of cloud programs; comfortable with putting there information "out there" instead of stored on their own hard drive. It makes sense in a lot of ways, but it is scary.
I looked at the TCCC mailing list, but it didn't seem to have any of the information I was looking for. But it did have a lot of CFPs for cloud computing. I think this might be the next be thing in technical communication. Web 2.0 sites like Google Docs and others that make online collaboration user friendly can be the next big thing. I recently used Google Docs to make a presentation (powerpoint style) with a classmate. The collaboration part of it was flawless. We lost no information and neither of us had any problems creating the document. On top of that, there is some added security as the document automatically saves itself every few seconds, so if your computer dies, or someone kicks out the power cord, there is no need to worry; you haven't lost anything. I'm not one hundred percent sure about securing documents from outsiders, but it seems like most documents can only be accessed through an authorized Google account. The program wasn't as sophisticated as PowerPoint but very useful.
I imagine that a technical communicator is going to have to be very comfortable with using these kinds of cloud programs; comfortable with putting there information "out there" instead of stored on their own hard drive. It makes sense in a lot of ways, but it is scary.
Rude 5.3
Jobs for Technical Editors
Software knowledge required: Visio, Illustrator, Word, Powerpoint, SharePoint, Interpret and incorporate engineering source data in IETM database, Arbor Text Adept Editor Software (SGML Tagging), and IETMs.
Software knowledge required: Visio, Illustrator, Word, Powerpoint, SharePoint, Interpret and incorporate engineering source data in IETM database, Arbor Text Adept Editor Software (SGML Tagging), and IETMs.
Rude 14.2
For this assignment I will be analyzing the two page (one 8.5x11 sheet front and back) 2010-2011 Student Health Insurance Plan brochure.
Analysis of the Document's Purpose, Readers, and Uses
Purpose: This document is meant to give graduate assistants, TAs, and RAs information about the insurance they receive through the school. It should tell them what benefits they receive, coverages, and potential costs in a very easy to use document. Also, because health insurance is expensive and often confusing and daunting to deal with, so this document should assuage some of the those fears and concerns.
Readers: The readers of this document are graduate students, possibly international students, who can read well and have plenty of experience navigating difficult documents. They are probably between 21 and 30 years old and are using this document to see what kind of protection they have against accident or tragedy. Most likely they will be given this brochure mailed with forms or other information. Upon reading this document, it's possible they will be happy to learn of the benefits, but more than likely, they will be upset at they are still required to pay for certain things, that dental and vision are not covered, that visiting the doctor will require a co-pay, that coverage for spouse and children is very expensive, etc. I imagine most readers will either file the paper in a secure spot where they can reference it later, or toss it aside after they've read it, knowing that the information is easily available in other places. Because it is printed in black and white on cheap paper, it doesn't feel like a document you'd hang on to for a long time.
Evaluation of the Document
Content: The document contains all the information I think I'd need along with a disclaimer that it doesn't contain all the information anyone could want. It gives a link to a "Complete Brochure," so we can assume that there is more any additional information I'd want is there.
Order: The first section is "Who is eligible?" This is confusing as the first item because I imagine that almost all of the people seeing this document are already enrolled in the health insurance. This is not a recruiting document, so it would be better if it read something like, "If you are... you are already enrolled in this plan." With a heading of "Are you covered?" This would serve to reinforce that the coverage that the TA already has, rather than trying to find new people. The coverages and costs are on the back and easy enough to follow. However, there is no good heading for the costs of covering a child or spouse.
Visual Design and Navigation: The drop shadow on the top box is ugly, and it is especially ugly because it is inconsistent. There is no other box on the brochure with a drop shadow. The Picture shows a good enough variety of students who are perhaps a little younger than the target audience. The Bottom picture is a better choice I think in terms of age ( but it portrays a stereotypical white male grad student with glasses working on a laptop). The text under the first picture is in a scripty decorative font that doesn't match the rest of the brochure and is hard to read. There are six different fonts used on the brochure, when only three were necessary. The small single-spaced serifed text at the bottom of the first page and the italic small print on the top and bottom of the second page is difficult to read. It is the "fine print" of the brochure and contains warnings and caveats. The fonts match their purposes well, but the design could have been streamlined.
Style: The diction begins in a familiar second person tone, but then becomes overly formal quickly. The back contains legal jargon and tables with no easy to read text.
Changes to be made: I would advocate keeping the familiar diction throughout. The document pretends to be comforting but becomes menacing and cautionary pretty quickly. I would use three fonts only. The decorative font from the logo for all large letters (titles, headings, etc.) the light san-serif (arial) for the tables. bulleted lists and subheadings, and the serifed font (Palatino, I think) for all the body text. I would change the "Who is eligible?" to "Are you covered?" keeping with the familiar second person and better addressing the needs of the audience. I would add some text explaining the tables and how to read them. For example the table labeled "Premium Costs and Coverage Periods" should clearly be explained as optional costs to avoid confusion.
Analysis of the Document's Purpose, Readers, and Uses
Purpose: This document is meant to give graduate assistants, TAs, and RAs information about the insurance they receive through the school. It should tell them what benefits they receive, coverages, and potential costs in a very easy to use document. Also, because health insurance is expensive and often confusing and daunting to deal with, so this document should assuage some of the those fears and concerns.
Readers: The readers of this document are graduate students, possibly international students, who can read well and have plenty of experience navigating difficult documents. They are probably between 21 and 30 years old and are using this document to see what kind of protection they have against accident or tragedy. Most likely they will be given this brochure mailed with forms or other information. Upon reading this document, it's possible they will be happy to learn of the benefits, but more than likely, they will be upset at they are still required to pay for certain things, that dental and vision are not covered, that visiting the doctor will require a co-pay, that coverage for spouse and children is very expensive, etc. I imagine most readers will either file the paper in a secure spot where they can reference it later, or toss it aside after they've read it, knowing that the information is easily available in other places. Because it is printed in black and white on cheap paper, it doesn't feel like a document you'd hang on to for a long time.
Evaluation of the Document
Content: The document contains all the information I think I'd need along with a disclaimer that it doesn't contain all the information anyone could want. It gives a link to a "Complete Brochure," so we can assume that there is more any additional information I'd want is there.
Order: The first section is "Who is eligible?" This is confusing as the first item because I imagine that almost all of the people seeing this document are already enrolled in the health insurance. This is not a recruiting document, so it would be better if it read something like, "If you are... you are already enrolled in this plan." With a heading of "Are you covered?" This would serve to reinforce that the coverage that the TA already has, rather than trying to find new people. The coverages and costs are on the back and easy enough to follow. However, there is no good heading for the costs of covering a child or spouse.
Visual Design and Navigation: The drop shadow on the top box is ugly, and it is especially ugly because it is inconsistent. There is no other box on the brochure with a drop shadow. The Picture shows a good enough variety of students who are perhaps a little younger than the target audience. The Bottom picture is a better choice I think in terms of age ( but it portrays a stereotypical white male grad student with glasses working on a laptop). The text under the first picture is in a scripty decorative font that doesn't match the rest of the brochure and is hard to read. There are six different fonts used on the brochure, when only three were necessary. The small single-spaced serifed text at the bottom of the first page and the italic small print on the top and bottom of the second page is difficult to read. It is the "fine print" of the brochure and contains warnings and caveats. The fonts match their purposes well, but the design could have been streamlined.
Style: The diction begins in a familiar second person tone, but then becomes overly formal quickly. The back contains legal jargon and tables with no easy to read text.
Changes to be made: I would advocate keeping the familiar diction throughout. The document pretends to be comforting but becomes menacing and cautionary pretty quickly. I would use three fonts only. The decorative font from the logo for all large letters (titles, headings, etc.) the light san-serif (arial) for the tables. bulleted lists and subheadings, and the serifed font (Palatino, I think) for all the body text. I would change the "Who is eligible?" to "Are you covered?" keeping with the familiar second person and better addressing the needs of the audience. I would add some text explaining the tables and how to read them. For example the table labeled "Premium Costs and Coverage Periods" should clearly be explained as optional costs to avoid confusion.
Rude 4.6
These statements have been changed from criticisms to organizational strategies.
a. In order to make this text accessible for all readers, you might want to avoid abstract concepts and confusing words such as XXX(3) and XXX(5), and make the sentences shorter. For example you could make the first sentence of XX paragraph into two sentences by putting a period after XXX.
b. A second-person voice would help the reader understand who should do what. For example, consider changing phrases such as, "The receptionist is called with details" on page three to "Call the receptionist and report the details.
c. First identify the important actors and actions in these sentences and rewrite them to emphasize these important parts.
d. As a reader, I am having difficulty understanding what to do with this information. Perhaps this information would make more sense in another section.
e. Consider moving the main objectives of the brochure to the beginning. That way the reader knows what to do with the information as they read it.
f. Spend more time elaborating why this project is important.
e.
a. In order to make this text accessible for all readers, you might want to avoid abstract concepts and confusing words such as XXX(3) and XXX(5), and make the sentences shorter. For example you could make the first sentence of XX paragraph into two sentences by putting a period after XXX.
b. A second-person voice would help the reader understand who should do what. For example, consider changing phrases such as, "The receptionist is called with details" on page three to "Call the receptionist and report the details.
c. First identify the important actors and actions in these sentences and rewrite them to emphasize these important parts.
d. As a reader, I am having difficulty understanding what to do with this information. Perhaps this information would make more sense in another section.
e. Consider moving the main objectives of the brochure to the beginning. That way the reader knows what to do with the information as they read it.
f. Spend more time elaborating why this project is important.
e.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Carroll 1.5 and 1.7
1.5
When you plug your mind into the internet, make sure you don't leave the cord out for someone to trip over.
My friend is a technophile to an extreme degree; his house is about as wired as a klepto barista.
1.7
Orchard Stoning: Plums make lousy rocks.
Grandpa's teeth broke on bad oatmeal.
Opposing Linebacker scores. Quarterback congratulates him.
Elizabeth's mom eats paste too. Bonding.
When you plug your mind into the internet, make sure you don't leave the cord out for someone to trip over.
My friend is a technophile to an extreme degree; his house is about as wired as a klepto barista.
1.7
Orchard Stoning: Plums make lousy rocks.
Grandpa's teeth broke on bad oatmeal.
Opposing Linebacker scores. Quarterback congratulates him.
Elizabeth's mom eats paste too. Bonding.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Rude 18.2
Wedding Invitation/Announcement
This document features a black and white picture of the couple getting married on one side, with the names and traditional wedding invite language on the other. The names at the top use gender oriented fonts for each of the names: Melissa is written in pink and a decorative, cursive font, while the ampersand and "Matt" is written in stern, roman, stark white, all caps letters. The text is white letters on a black background, which normally inhibits readability, but is used in this case as a stylistic choice. Also, the language is so traditional, that no one really thinks anyone is going to read it. Where did the tradition come from that the bride's parents announce to the wedding to the world? Also, 19th and 2008 are spelled out, which adds to the formality. The text is centered, which is another genre conforming design aspect. In terms of usability, the text isn't the easiest to read because of the white on black, centered, all caps font. But reading a wedding announcement isn't the point. The vital information (date, time, and address, names of the bride and groom) are the only real information necessary and the only information included. The announcement doesn't require much motivation to read it, and so the designer is free to include choices that would normally demotivate a reader.
Obituary
An obituary, as a genre, includes a few things, the name and a picture of the deceased, some vital statistics about the person (age and birthplace especially), the cause of death, some accomplishments in the persons life, names of close relatives, and information for memorial services. This document includes all of these.
The document is highly readable: the serifed font, fully justified columns, single spaced text, and short length make this a document that is easily read once through. However, it is not a document that is meant to be used. There are no headings to clearly outline the distinct sections. The only text that is meant to be read many times, the name (for later searching purposes possibly) is bolded, centered, and surrounded by white space; so it is highly usable in that regard.
Letter
This document features a black and white picture of the couple getting married on one side, with the names and traditional wedding invite language on the other. The names at the top use gender oriented fonts for each of the names: Melissa is written in pink and a decorative, cursive font, while the ampersand and "Matt" is written in stern, roman, stark white, all caps letters. The text is white letters on a black background, which normally inhibits readability, but is used in this case as a stylistic choice. Also, the language is so traditional, that no one really thinks anyone is going to read it. Where did the tradition come from that the bride's parents announce to the wedding to the world? Also, 19th and 2008 are spelled out, which adds to the formality. The text is centered, which is another genre conforming design aspect. In terms of usability, the text isn't the easiest to read because of the white on black, centered, all caps font. But reading a wedding announcement isn't the point. The vital information (date, time, and address, names of the bride and groom) are the only real information necessary and the only information included. The announcement doesn't require much motivation to read it, and so the designer is free to include choices that would normally demotivate a reader.
Obituary
An obituary, as a genre, includes a few things, the name and a picture of the deceased, some vital statistics about the person (age and birthplace especially), the cause of death, some accomplishments in the persons life, names of close relatives, and information for memorial services. This document includes all of these.
The document is highly readable: the serifed font, fully justified columns, single spaced text, and short length make this a document that is easily read once through. However, it is not a document that is meant to be used. There are no headings to clearly outline the distinct sections. The only text that is meant to be read many times, the name (for later searching purposes possibly) is bolded, centered, and surrounded by white space; so it is highly usable in that regard.
Letter
Williams 6.2
These paragraphs have been edited so that the sentences begin with topics and end with emphasis.
1. The story of King Lear and his daughters was popular during the reign of Queen Elizabeth. By the time of her death, anyone wishing to read the story could do so in at least a dozen books. However, these early versions of the King Lear legend were undeveloped, simple narratives that stated an obvious moral. When Shakespeare began to work on Lear, perhaps his greatest tragedy, he must have had several versions available to him from which to draw inspiration. Even though the characters in these stories were based on the stock figures of legend, under Shakespeare's hand, they became credible human beings with complex motives.
2. The issue here is whether the date an operation intends to close down might be part of management's "duty to disclose" during contract bargaining. The central rationale for this duty is the minimization of conflict. In order to allow the union to put forth proposals on behalf of its members, companies are obligated to disclose major changes in an operation during bargaining. The law, however, is scanty on this matter.
3. In Thucydides' History of the Peloponnesian War, the most important event is Athens' catastrophic Sicilian Invasion. Because of this, three-quarters of the history is devoted to setting up the invasion. We can see how Thucydides chose to anticipate it through his description of the step-by-step decline in Athenian society. The basic reason for the need to anticipate the invasion is the inevitability we associate with the tragic drama.
4. The current hypothesis to explain this kind of severe condition is mucosal and vascular permeability altered by the toxin elaborated by the vibrio. As evidence in favor of this hypothesis, we can observe changes in small capillaries located near the basal surface of the epithelial cells, and the appearance of numerous microvesicles in the cytoplasm of the mucosal cells. Altered capillary permeability is believed to play a role in hydrodynamic transport of fluid into the interstitial tissue and then through the mucosa into the lumen of the gut.
5. From July 1-Auguest 31, a 73 percent net increase (from $32,934 to $56.792) was realized in the Ohio and Kentucky areas. In the Indiana and Illinois areas, there was a 10 percent increase (from $153,281 to $168,651) during the same period. In contrast, The Wisconsin and Minnesota regions reported a 5 percent decrease around the same period (from $200,102 to $190,580).
1. The story of King Lear and his daughters was popular during the reign of Queen Elizabeth. By the time of her death, anyone wishing to read the story could do so in at least a dozen books. However, these early versions of the King Lear legend were undeveloped, simple narratives that stated an obvious moral. When Shakespeare began to work on Lear, perhaps his greatest tragedy, he must have had several versions available to him from which to draw inspiration. Even though the characters in these stories were based on the stock figures of legend, under Shakespeare's hand, they became credible human beings with complex motives.
2. The issue here is whether the date an operation intends to close down might be part of management's "duty to disclose" during contract bargaining. The central rationale for this duty is the minimization of conflict. In order to allow the union to put forth proposals on behalf of its members, companies are obligated to disclose major changes in an operation during bargaining. The law, however, is scanty on this matter.
3. In Thucydides' History of the Peloponnesian War, the most important event is Athens' catastrophic Sicilian Invasion. Because of this, three-quarters of the history is devoted to setting up the invasion. We can see how Thucydides chose to anticipate it through his description of the step-by-step decline in Athenian society. The basic reason for the need to anticipate the invasion is the inevitability we associate with the tragic drama.
4. The current hypothesis to explain this kind of severe condition is mucosal and vascular permeability altered by the toxin elaborated by the vibrio. As evidence in favor of this hypothesis, we can observe changes in small capillaries located near the basal surface of the epithelial cells, and the appearance of numerous microvesicles in the cytoplasm of the mucosal cells. Altered capillary permeability is believed to play a role in hydrodynamic transport of fluid into the interstitial tissue and then through the mucosa into the lumen of the gut.
5. From July 1-Auguest 31, a 73 percent net increase (from $32,934 to $56.792) was realized in the Ohio and Kentucky areas. In the Indiana and Illinois areas, there was a 10 percent increase (from $153,281 to $168,651) during the same period. In contrast, The Wisconsin and Minnesota regions reported a 5 percent decrease around the same period (from $200,102 to $190,580).
Williams 6.1
These sentences have been rewritten so that the words at the end of the sentences are the most emphasized. The original sentence is first, the edited sentence is second.
1. The president's tendency to rewrite the constitution is the biggest danger to the nation, in my opinion, at least.
The biggest danger to the nation is the president's tendency to rewrite the constitution.
2. A new political philosophy that could affect our society well into the twenty-first century may emerge from these studies.
These studies may posit a new political philosophy that could affect our society well into the twenty-first century.
3. There are limited opportunities for faculty to work with individual students in large American colleges and universities.
In Large American colleges and Universities, the opportunities for faculty to work with individual students are limited.
4. Building suburban housing developments in floodplains has led to the existence of extensive and widespread flooding and economic disaster in parts of our country in recent years, it is now clear.
It is now clear that in recent years building suburban housing developments in floodplains in parts of our country has led to extensive and widespread flooding and economic disaster.
5. The teacher who makes an assignment of a long final term paper at the end of the semester and who then gives only a grade and nothing else such as a critical comment is a common object of complaint among students at the college level.
A common complaint among college students is the teacher who assigns a long final term paper and then gives only a grade and nothing else.
6. Renting textbooks rather than buying them for basic required courses such as mathematics, foreign languages, and English, whose textbooks do not go through yearly changes, is feasible, however, economically speaking.
However, economically speaking, renting textbooks for basic required courses whose textbooks do not go through yearly changes such as mathematics, foreign languages and English, is feasible.
1. The president's tendency to rewrite the constitution is the biggest danger to the nation, in my opinion, at least.
The biggest danger to the nation is the president's tendency to rewrite the constitution.
2. A new political philosophy that could affect our society well into the twenty-first century may emerge from these studies.
These studies may posit a new political philosophy that could affect our society well into the twenty-first century.
3. There are limited opportunities for faculty to work with individual students in large American colleges and universities.
In Large American colleges and Universities, the opportunities for faculty to work with individual students are limited.
4. Building suburban housing developments in floodplains has led to the existence of extensive and widespread flooding and economic disaster in parts of our country in recent years, it is now clear.
It is now clear that in recent years building suburban housing developments in floodplains in parts of our country has led to extensive and widespread flooding and economic disaster.
5. The teacher who makes an assignment of a long final term paper at the end of the semester and who then gives only a grade and nothing else such as a critical comment is a common object of complaint among students at the college level.
A common complaint among college students is the teacher who assigns a long final term paper and then gives only a grade and nothing else.
6. Renting textbooks rather than buying them for basic required courses such as mathematics, foreign languages, and English, whose textbooks do not go through yearly changes, is feasible, however, economically speaking.
However, economically speaking, renting textbooks for basic required courses whose textbooks do not go through yearly changes such as mathematics, foreign languages and English, is feasible.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Bogus Paper
I wanted to see how hard it would be to write a bogus paper. This is what I came up with in eight minutes.
Steven Hopkins
16 February 2011
Traditions: How Meaning is Transferred Through Bias
There are many ways we can begin to discuss and understand exactly what is meant in the debates--or even the mind-wars, so to speak--that are waged each day in the name of long held traditions. If one takes the time to fully realize the unlimited potential of such cultural biases, one can find that there have been such aspects of humanity visible in education, government, and politics; and each area has been debated since language began. The significance of ideas to foreign policy analysis remains contested, despite a plethora of empirical studies applying ideational frameworks. Drawing on social constructivism, the empirical study shows that whereas a causal understanding where ideas derived from tradition define the political space for contemporary debates and effect foreign policy behaviour.
As we begin the investigation into such understandings, we can begin to envelope the stigmas underlying this consciousness. For example, Tony Chan, 51, a former bartender turned self-proclaimed feng shui master, is appealing a court decision from last year that rejected his claim to the fortune of Nina Wang, one of Asia's wealthiest women when she died in 2007 at the age of 69. The policies had sat quietly on the books until last year, when a local group challenged a village chief's claims for feng shui compensation tied to the planned construction of a high-speed rail linking Hong Kong and Guangzhou.
As we can see, this example illuminates the unfavorable consequences of a failure to understand and successfully negotiate the cultural biases that underlie our everyday interactions. Only when we strive to understand the underpinnings and diversities that foment and augment our interrelationships can we delve into the psychological aspects that correspond with our governmental policies.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Rude 5.2
These passages have been edited for coherence and cohesion, the first passage is from the text, the second is the edited version.
1. Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by continual heat. Richly fertilized plains and river valleys are places where plants grow most richly, but also at the edge of perpetual snow in high mountains. The ocean and its edges as well as in and around lakes and swamps are densely vegetated. The cracks of busy city sidewalks have plants in them as well as in seemingly barren cliffs. Before humans existed, the earth was covered with vegetation, and the earth will have vegetation long after evolutionary history swallows us up.
Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by continual heat. Plants grow most richly in richly fertilized plains and river valleys and also at the edge of perpetual snow in high mountains. Dense vegetation also grows in the ocean and on its edges as well as in and around lakes and swamps. Even the cracks of busy city sidewalks and seemingly barren cliffs have plants in them. The earth was covered with vegetation before humans existed, and the earth will have vegetation long after evolutionary history swallows us up.
2. The power to create and communicate a new message to fit a new experience is not a competence animals have in their natural states. Their genetic code limits the number and kind of messages that they can communicate. Information about distance, direction source, and richness of pollen in flowers constitutes the only information that can be communicated by bees, for example. A limited repertoire of messages delivered in the same way, for generation after generation, is characteristic of animals of the same species, in all significant respects.
In their natural states, animals do not have the power to create and communicate a new message to fit a new experience. For example, bees can only communicate information about distance, direction source, and richness of pollen in flowers. In all significant respects, animals of the same species only have a limited repertoire of messages delivered in the same way, for generation after generation.
3. The importance of language skills in children's problem-solving ability was stressed by Jones (1985) in his paper on children's thinking. Improvement in nonverbal problem solving was reported to have occurred as a result of improvements in language skills. The use of previously acquired language habits for problem articulation and activation of knowledge previously learned through language are thought to be the cause of better performance. Therefore, systematic practice in the verbal formulation of nonlinguistic problems prior to attempts at their solution might be an avenue for exploration in the enhancement of problem solving in general.
In his paper on children's thinking, Jones (1985) stressed the importance of language skills in children's problem-solving ability. He reported that improvement in nonverbal problem solving skills occurred as a result of improvements in language skills. Jones attributed this improved performance to previously acquired language habits for problem articulation and the activation of knowledge previously learned through language. Therefore, systematic practice in the verbal formulation of nonlinguistic problems prior to attempts at their solution might be an avenue for exploration in the enhancement of problem solving in general.
1. Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by continual heat. Richly fertilized plains and river valleys are places where plants grow most richly, but also at the edge of perpetual snow in high mountains. The ocean and its edges as well as in and around lakes and swamps are densely vegetated. The cracks of busy city sidewalks have plants in them as well as in seemingly barren cliffs. Before humans existed, the earth was covered with vegetation, and the earth will have vegetation long after evolutionary history swallows us up.
Vegetation covers the earth, except for those areas continuously covered with ice or utterly scorched by continual heat. Plants grow most richly in richly fertilized plains and river valleys and also at the edge of perpetual snow in high mountains. Dense vegetation also grows in the ocean and on its edges as well as in and around lakes and swamps. Even the cracks of busy city sidewalks and seemingly barren cliffs have plants in them. The earth was covered with vegetation before humans existed, and the earth will have vegetation long after evolutionary history swallows us up.
2. The power to create and communicate a new message to fit a new experience is not a competence animals have in their natural states. Their genetic code limits the number and kind of messages that they can communicate. Information about distance, direction source, and richness of pollen in flowers constitutes the only information that can be communicated by bees, for example. A limited repertoire of messages delivered in the same way, for generation after generation, is characteristic of animals of the same species, in all significant respects.
In their natural states, animals do not have the power to create and communicate a new message to fit a new experience. For example, bees can only communicate information about distance, direction source, and richness of pollen in flowers. In all significant respects, animals of the same species only have a limited repertoire of messages delivered in the same way, for generation after generation.
3. The importance of language skills in children's problem-solving ability was stressed by Jones (1985) in his paper on children's thinking. Improvement in nonverbal problem solving was reported to have occurred as a result of improvements in language skills. The use of previously acquired language habits for problem articulation and activation of knowledge previously learned through language are thought to be the cause of better performance. Therefore, systematic practice in the verbal formulation of nonlinguistic problems prior to attempts at their solution might be an avenue for exploration in the enhancement of problem solving in general.
In his paper on children's thinking, Jones (1985) stressed the importance of language skills in children's problem-solving ability. He reported that improvement in nonverbal problem solving skills occurred as a result of improvements in language skills. Jones attributed this improved performance to previously acquired language habits for problem articulation and the activation of knowledge previously learned through language. Therefore, systematic practice in the verbal formulation of nonlinguistic problems prior to attempts at their solution might be an avenue for exploration in the enhancement of problem solving in general.
Rude 5.1
In this post, the first paragraph is the original from the book, and the second is corrected to improve cohesion and coherence.
1. Two aims--the recovery of the American economy and the modernization of America into a military power--were in the president's mind when he assumed the office. The drop in unemployment figures and inflation, and the increase in the GNP testifies to his success in the first. But our increased involvement in international conflict without any clear set of political goals indicates less success with the second. Nevertheless, increases in the military budget and a good deal of saber rattling pleased the American voter.
When the president assumed the office, he had two aims in mind, the recovery of the American economy and the modernization of America into a military power. In regard to the first, the president succeeded in helping cause a drop in unemployment figures and inflation, and an increase in the GNP. However, the president's success with the second was lessened by increased involvement in international conflict without any clear set of political goals. Despite this, the president pleased the American voter by increasing the military budget and saber rattling.
2. The components of Abco's profitability, particularly growth in Asian markets, will be highlighted in our report to demonstrate its advantages versus competitors. Revenue returns along several dimensions--product type, end-use, distribution channels, etc.--will provide a basis for this analysis. Likely growth prospects of Abco's newest product lines will depend most on its ability in regard to the development of distribution channels in China, according to our projections. A range of innovative strategies will be needed to support the introduction of new products.
Our report will demonstrate the components of Abco's profitability, particularly growth in Asian markets as compared to competitors. This analysis was based on revenue returns along several dimensions--product type, end-use, distribution channels, etc. According to our projections, the growth prospects of Abco's newest product lines will depend most on its ability to develop distribution channels in China. Also, in order to support the introduction of new products, we will need a range of innovative strategies.
1. Two aims--the recovery of the American economy and the modernization of America into a military power--were in the president's mind when he assumed the office. The drop in unemployment figures and inflation, and the increase in the GNP testifies to his success in the first. But our increased involvement in international conflict without any clear set of political goals indicates less success with the second. Nevertheless, increases in the military budget and a good deal of saber rattling pleased the American voter.
When the president assumed the office, he had two aims in mind, the recovery of the American economy and the modernization of America into a military power. In regard to the first, the president succeeded in helping cause a drop in unemployment figures and inflation, and an increase in the GNP. However, the president's success with the second was lessened by increased involvement in international conflict without any clear set of political goals. Despite this, the president pleased the American voter by increasing the military budget and saber rattling.
2. The components of Abco's profitability, particularly growth in Asian markets, will be highlighted in our report to demonstrate its advantages versus competitors. Revenue returns along several dimensions--product type, end-use, distribution channels, etc.--will provide a basis for this analysis. Likely growth prospects of Abco's newest product lines will depend most on its ability in regard to the development of distribution channels in China, according to our projections. A range of innovative strategies will be needed to support the introduction of new products.
Our report will demonstrate the components of Abco's profitability, particularly growth in Asian markets as compared to competitors. This analysis was based on revenue returns along several dimensions--product type, end-use, distribution channels, etc. According to our projections, the growth prospects of Abco's newest product lines will depend most on its ability to develop distribution channels in China. Also, in order to support the introduction of new products, we will need a range of innovative strategies.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
CWA Flyer
Recently I emailed the president of the Creative Writer's Association and told her that I like to make flyers and told her I would like to make the next one that they needed. She let me know what they needed for a reading and I came up with this flyer.
I've been really into grungy paper textures. Since this was to be a reading, I search for "reading sketch" and found the great drawing of a boy reading from artist Daniel Allegrucci and made the type grungy.
I used three typefaces, Charcoal CY (san serif), Didot (Serif), and Bedtime stories (decorative). I got bedtime stories for free from Dafont.com, but because it is the trial version it doesn't have capital letters.
I've been really into grungy paper textures. Since this was to be a reading, I search for "reading sketch" and found the great drawing of a boy reading from artist Daniel Allegrucci and made the type grungy.
I used three typefaces, Charcoal CY (san serif), Didot (Serif), and Bedtime stories (decorative). I got bedtime stories for free from Dafont.com, but because it is the trial version it doesn't have capital letters.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Rude 13.1
The biggest difference I can see between copyediting and proofreading is that the original copy is set double spaced to make writing editing marks easier and clearer. Because of the lack space for marks in the single spaced body copy of the set text in Figure 13.4, placing marks in the margins is necessary. Also, there will (we hope) fewer corrections that need to be made, so it is possible to write all the necessary corrections in the margins and they can be checked off as they are corrected. Knowing there are three errors on a line (shown by number of margin markings) facilitates correcting all errors.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Rude 11.11
Here is a paragraph from a blog post I wrote last semester. I will see what type of sentence I use most and whether my grammar is correct.
1The main idea I came out with as I wrote was the idea that Mormon literacy and the Mormon idea of salvation are inextricably linked (SIMPLE). 2The more literate a person is in the doctrines of the church, the closer they are to achieving joy in this life and the next (COMPOUND SENTENCE). 3But I want to modify or at least shape this notion better than I have up to this point (SIMPLE OR SENTENCE FRAGMENT DEPENDING HOW YOU TAKE IT). 4I don’t want to convey that by merely studying the scriptures, knowing myriad details about the history of the church, memorizing long passages or any other superficial study of the church doctrines is expected (FAULTY CONSTRUCTION/SIMPLE). 5Belief in, knowledge of, and even a surety in the doctrines of the church do not qualify a person for salvation and exaltation (SIMPLE). 6True belief, knowledge and surety is expected to become a performance of consistent actions as well as partaking in ordinances such as baptism in which a person enters into covenant relationships with God that they will behave a certain way, and in return God will grant blessings (BAD VERB AGREEMENT/RUN ON, COMPOUND). 7James in the new testament urges the saints, “Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only.” (James 1.22)(SIMPLE). 8The true test of a Mormon’s literacy in the doctrines of the church is how closely their actions, words, and thoughts reflect the doctrines, not how well they know them (COMPLEX). 9An old cliche in the church goes like this, “what you do shows how you feel about what you know.”(SIMPLE) 10I hope no one reads this blog and thinks that all Mormons have to do to be saved is read the Book of Mormon (SIMPLE). 11Rather, the saving process happens as people more closely align themselves to the teachings in these sacred texts by acting in ways that reflect their understanding (BAD PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE/SIMPLE).
Out of 11 sentences, eight are simple, two are compound and one is complex. I mainly write in simple sentences (or at least I try to). I have a lot more mistakes in there than I thought I would; three sentences have a significant error. Some grammarians would see sentence three as a sentence fragment, but I made the stylistic choice to use but as a conjuctive adverb and not a subordinating conjunction. The error in sentence four would have been easily fixed if I had read back through the paragraph once. But the errors in 11 and six are trickier. Mainly I try to fit too much into one sentence. Maybe I should write more compound and complex sentences instead of trying to fit everything into my S-V-O default sentence structure.
1The main idea I came out with as I wrote was the idea that Mormon literacy and the Mormon idea of salvation are inextricably linked (SIMPLE). 2The more literate a person is in the doctrines of the church, the closer they are to achieving joy in this life and the next (COMPOUND SENTENCE). 3But I want to modify or at least shape this notion better than I have up to this point (SIMPLE OR SENTENCE FRAGMENT DEPENDING HOW YOU TAKE IT). 4I don’t want to convey that by merely studying the scriptures, knowing myriad details about the history of the church, memorizing long passages or any other superficial study of the church doctrines is expected (FAULTY CONSTRUCTION/SIMPLE). 5Belief in, knowledge of, and even a surety in the doctrines of the church do not qualify a person for salvation and exaltation (SIMPLE). 6True belief, knowledge and surety is expected to become a performance of consistent actions as well as partaking in ordinances such as baptism in which a person enters into covenant relationships with God that they will behave a certain way, and in return God will grant blessings (BAD VERB AGREEMENT/RUN ON, COMPOUND). 7James in the new testament urges the saints, “Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only.” (James 1.22)(SIMPLE). 8The true test of a Mormon’s literacy in the doctrines of the church is how closely their actions, words, and thoughts reflect the doctrines, not how well they know them (COMPLEX). 9An old cliche in the church goes like this, “what you do shows how you feel about what you know.”(SIMPLE) 10I hope no one reads this blog and thinks that all Mormons have to do to be saved is read the Book of Mormon (SIMPLE). 11Rather, the saving process happens as people more closely align themselves to the teachings in these sacred texts by acting in ways that reflect their understanding (BAD PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE/SIMPLE).
Out of 11 sentences, eight are simple, two are compound and one is complex. I mainly write in simple sentences (or at least I try to). I have a lot more mistakes in there than I thought I would; three sentences have a significant error. Some grammarians would see sentence three as a sentence fragment, but I made the stylistic choice to use but as a conjuctive adverb and not a subordinating conjunction. The error in sentence four would have been easily fixed if I had read back through the paragraph once. But the errors in 11 and six are trickier. Mainly I try to fit too much into one sentence. Maybe I should write more compound and complex sentences instead of trying to fit everything into my S-V-O default sentence structure.
Rude 11.4
These sentences contain restrictive or nonrestrictive clauses and have been punctuated correctly.
a. A Professional Broker is any person who is licensed by the Montana Savings and Loan Department. (restrictive, not everybody is licensed)
b. The photoconductive cells measure the amount of radiant energy and convert it to electrical energy that is then interpreted by the computer and displayed on the meter. (restrictive, not all energy is interpreted)
c. Present lab equipment allows pulse energy experiments, which require 300,000 kw or less of electric power. New equipment would increase the potential of the lab. (nonrestrictive, not limiting the experiments, just adding more information about them)
d. A high deer population that continuously feeds on the seedlings of a desired tree species can severely retard the propagation of that species. (restrictive, not all deer feed on that tree)
e. Pulse weldings can join many metals that are impossible to join by conventional welding methods. (restrictive, not all metals are impossible to join)
a. A Professional Broker is any person who is licensed by the Montana Savings and Loan Department. (restrictive, not everybody is licensed)
b. The photoconductive cells measure the amount of radiant energy and convert it to electrical energy that is then interpreted by the computer and displayed on the meter. (restrictive, not all energy is interpreted)
c. Present lab equipment allows pulse energy experiments, which require 300,000 kw or less of electric power. New equipment would increase the potential of the lab. (nonrestrictive, not limiting the experiments, just adding more information about them)
d. A high deer population that continuously feeds on the seedlings of a desired tree species can severely retard the propagation of that species. (restrictive, not all deer feed on that tree)
e. Pulse weldings can join many metals that are impossible to join by conventional welding methods. (restrictive, not all metals are impossible to join)
Williams 4.6
These sentence contain revised compound noun phrases (in italics).
1. The plant safety standards committee discussed recent announcements regarding air quality regulations.
2. A diabetic patient's blood pressure can be reduced by applying a renal depressor.
3. The goal of this article is to describe text comprehension processes and recall protocol production. (no changes)
4. On the basis of these principles, we may now attempt to formulate rules to extract narrative information.
5. This paper investigates the information processing behaviors involved in the simulation of human cognition in computers.
6. The Federal Trade Commission is responsible for enforcing guidelines concerning the durability of new automobile tires.
7. The Social Security program guarantees a floor for monthly income based on a schedule of lifelong contribution.
8. Based on assessment reviews of training needs and on visits to office sites, we identified concepts and issues we can use to create an initial staff questionnaire instrument.
1. The plant safety standards committee discussed recent announcements regarding air quality regulations.
2. A diabetic patient's blood pressure can be reduced by applying a renal depressor.
3. The goal of this article is to describe text comprehension processes and recall protocol production. (no changes)
4. On the basis of these principles, we may now attempt to formulate rules to extract narrative information.
5. This paper investigates the information processing behaviors involved in the simulation of human cognition in computers.
6. The Federal Trade Commission is responsible for enforcing guidelines concerning the durability of new automobile tires.
7. The Social Security program guarantees a floor for monthly income based on a schedule of lifelong contribution.
8. Based on assessment reviews of training needs and on visits to office sites, we identified concepts and issues we can use to create an initial staff questionnaire instrument.
Williams 4.4
These sentences have been changed from passive to active, or left passive for justified reasons. Changed verbs are in italics.
1. Your figures were analyzed to determine their accuracy. We will announce the results when appropriate. (This could be a note from department head to students who have taken a test)
2. Banks now make Home Mortgage loans for thirty years. With the price of housing at inflated levels, homeowners cannot pay off these loans in a shorter time.
3.The author abandoned his impassioned narrative and presented a cautious treatment of conspiracy theories. But when he picked up the narrative line again, he invested his prose with the same vigor and force.
4. Many arguments were advanced against Darwinian evolution in the nineteenth century because it challenged basic assumptions about our place in the world. Darwin's theory no longer defined humans as privileged creatures but rather as a product of natural forces.
5. For many years, the government has enforced federal regulations concerning wiretapping. Only recently have they imposed looser restrictions on warranting circumstances.
6. I believe an analysis of peer interaction among adolescents most clearly explains the social significance of smoking. In particular, studies should be made of the manner in which social class conditions interactive behavior.
7. We have written these directives in a simple style in an effort to communicate effectively with employees with limited reading skills.
8. Studies with little scientific reliability have caused researchers to undervalue the human brain's solution-creating abilities.
1. Your figures were analyzed to determine their accuracy. We will announce the results when appropriate. (This could be a note from department head to students who have taken a test)
2. Banks now make Home Mortgage loans for thirty years. With the price of housing at inflated levels, homeowners cannot pay off these loans in a shorter time.
3.The author abandoned his impassioned narrative and presented a cautious treatment of conspiracy theories. But when he picked up the narrative line again, he invested his prose with the same vigor and force.
4. Many arguments were advanced against Darwinian evolution in the nineteenth century because it challenged basic assumptions about our place in the world. Darwin's theory no longer defined humans as privileged creatures but rather as a product of natural forces.
5. For many years, the government has enforced federal regulations concerning wiretapping. Only recently have they imposed looser restrictions on warranting circumstances.
6. I believe an analysis of peer interaction among adolescents most clearly explains the social significance of smoking. In particular, studies should be made of the manner in which social class conditions interactive behavior.
7. We have written these directives in a simple style in an effort to communicate effectively with employees with limited reading skills.
8. Studies with little scientific reliability have caused researchers to undervalue the human brain's solution-creating abilities.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Rude Exercise 8.4 Corporate Style Guide
After a short Google search, I found the Erewash Borough Council style guide. Erewash Borough is an area in England near Derbyshire about twice the size of Manhattan island with 110 thousand people in it. Their style guide is 14 pages long and includes 14 sections: Corporate Identity, Corporate font/text styles, Stationary, Advertising, Signage, Vehicles, Clothing, Website, Publications, Photography and Illustrations, Photocopying and printing publications in-house, Alternative Formats, Typestyle, and Brief Plain English Guide.
The majority of the document is meant to remind employees that the documents they produce "are also a reflection of the type of organisation we are and that which we aspire to be." And that they "need to adopt a consistent approach to the production of all documents, whether they are
intended for internal or external use."
The document also emphasizes the necessity of the government employees to be aware of international audience for whom English may not be their first language.
The Brief Plain English Guide and Website sections contain the majority of style points, for example: "Write one to ten in words. From 11, use the number. For large numbers, use commas, for example, 1,000 not 1000." Also included is the slightly humorous rule, "Don’t use capital letters for headings – it looks like you are shouting." And evidence of one of the writer's pet peeves, "Never, ever use ‘click here.’" Many of the guidelines are not detailed such as "Watch image sizes" and "Use everyday English that people can understand." While some, alongside the use of Arial 12 point font for every document, are very specific: "Avoid Latin, as some people won’t know what it means. Use: ‘for example’, instead of ‘eg’, ‘that is’, instead of ‘ie’, ‘and so on’, instead of ‘etc’."
The majority of the document is meant to remind employees that the documents they produce "are also a reflection of the type of organisation we are and that which we aspire to be." And that they "need to adopt a consistent approach to the production of all documents, whether they are
intended for internal or external use."
The document also emphasizes the necessity of the government employees to be aware of international audience for whom English may not be their first language.
The Brief Plain English Guide and Website sections contain the majority of style points, for example: "Write one to ten in words. From 11, use the number. For large numbers, use commas, for example, 1,000 not 1000." Also included is the slightly humorous rule, "Don’t use capital letters for headings – it looks like you are shouting." And evidence of one of the writer's pet peeves, "Never, ever use ‘click here.’" Many of the guidelines are not detailed such as "Watch image sizes" and "Use everyday English that people can understand." While some, alongside the use of Arial 12 point font for every document, are very specific: "Avoid Latin, as some people won’t know what it means. Use: ‘for example’, instead of ‘eg’, ‘that is’, instead of ‘ie’, ‘and so on’, instead of ‘etc’."
Rude Exercise 1.1
I searched Monster.com for positions as a technical editor, and I found thirteen job postings for the last month. What suprised me most was the variation in duties that people categorize under "technical editor." Some job descriptions included the production of content, others were adminstators, others were to keep track of when documents were distributed and received, and some were meant to only proofread and ensure consistency. Some were for textbooks and training materials, other were for web only content. Many of the jobs were discipline specific, such as for an aerospace engineering company and another technical design firm. I also noticed the word design was used a lot. I didn't find any specific salaries mentioned; most just said they offered competitive salaries and 401k plans. These jobs were located all throughout the country, but there seemed to be a lot from Virginia.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Williams Exercise 3.7
1. The use of models in teaching prose style does not result in improvements of clarity and directness in student writing.
Correction:Using models to teach prose style does not clarify student writing or make it more direct.
2. Precision in plotting the location of building foundations enhances the possibility of its accurate reconstruction.
Correction:When designers precisely plot building foundations, builders can accurately reconstruct them.
3. Any departures by the members from established procedures may cause the termination of membership by the board.
Correction: The board may terminate any member who departs from established procedures.
4. A student's lack of socialization into a field may lead to writing problems because of his insufficient understanding about arguments by professionals in that field.
Correction: Students with little experience reading and dealing with arguments in their field may have problems writing similar arguments.
5. The successful implementation of a new curriculum depends on the cooperation of faculty with students in setting achievable goals within a reasonable time.
Correction: To implement a new curriculum successfully, faculty and students must set achievable goals within a reasonable time.
Correction:Using models to teach prose style does not clarify student writing or make it more direct.
2. Precision in plotting the location of building foundations enhances the possibility of its accurate reconstruction.
Correction:When designers precisely plot building foundations, builders can accurately reconstruct them.
3. Any departures by the members from established procedures may cause the termination of membership by the board.
Correction: The board may terminate any member who departs from established procedures.
4. A student's lack of socialization into a field may lead to writing problems because of his insufficient understanding about arguments by professionals in that field.
Correction: Students with little experience reading and dealing with arguments in their field may have problems writing similar arguments.
5. The successful implementation of a new curriculum depends on the cooperation of faculty with students in setting achievable goals within a reasonable time.
Correction: To implement a new curriculum successfully, faculty and students must set achievable goals within a reasonable time.
Williams Exercise 3.6
1. Lincoln's hope was for the preservation of the Union without war, but the South's attack on Fort Sumter made war an inevitability.
Correction: Lincoln hoped to preserve the union without war, but after the South attacked Fort Sumter, war became inevitable.
2. Attempts were made on the part of the president's aides to assert his immunity from a congressional subpoena.
Correction: When Congress subpoenaed the president, the president's aides attempted to assert his immunity.
3. There were predictions by business executives that the economy would experience a quick revival.
Correction: Business executives predicted the economy would revive quickly.
4. Your analysis of my report omits any data in support of your criticism of my findings.
Correction: When you criticized my report, you did not support your analysis with data.
5. The health care industry's inability to exert cost controls could lead to the public's decision that congressional action is needed.
Correction: If the health care industry does not control costs, the public will demand that congress act.
Correction: Lincoln hoped to preserve the union without war, but after the South attacked Fort Sumter, war became inevitable.
2. Attempts were made on the part of the president's aides to assert his immunity from a congressional subpoena.
Correction: When Congress subpoenaed the president, the president's aides attempted to assert his immunity.
3. There were predictions by business executives that the economy would experience a quick revival.
Correction: Business executives predicted the economy would revive quickly.
4. Your analysis of my report omits any data in support of your criticism of my findings.
Correction: When you criticized my report, you did not support your analysis with data.
5. The health care industry's inability to exert cost controls could lead to the public's decision that congressional action is needed.
Correction: If the health care industry does not control costs, the public will demand that congress act.
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